Page 487 of Shadowblood Souls
The last sentence comes out strained, and then my throat closes up completely. There’ve been times before when admitting something I’ve held in felt like a release, but not this.Saying the words out loud only makes the weight in my gut expand until it’s almost suffocating.
It’s Dominic who speaks first, firm and calm in the startled silence. “You’re not. Not really. It’d take more than donating genes to be an actual parent.”
I blink hard. “But he still—whatever he is, some of that is in me too. Look at how much our monstrous sides dictate who we are and what we do!”
I hug myself tighter and drag my eyes up to meet their gazes again. That’s the real problem, isn’t it?
I don’t have a monstrous side and a human side like they all do. Even my human side is horrifying.
Andreas steps forward and slides his arms around me, echoing my private embrace. “You’re still who you’ve been the whole time, Tink. It doesn’t change you.”
It makes me rethink the person I’ve been, though. Would I have hurt Billy so easily if I had no biological heritage of hating shadowkind? Would I have found it easier to trust Rollick and ignore the guardians’ claims?
How can I be sure that I’m really making the best choices for any of us when I have such a direct connection to the man who wants to manipulate and kill everything he decides is monstrous?
And even if my heritage hasn’t had any impact on me, which seems unlikely, would he have dragged us all into his plans if he hadn’t specifically wanted me? For all I know, we could have made our escape from Clancy and lived in some kind of freedom if it wasn’t for this blood tie I never knew about.
Jacob shifts on his feet, his expression turned even more ominous. “Why did he tell you now? What does he want from you?”
There’d be no good in hiding that aspect either. “He was hoping I’d join the family business. Take his side instead of resisting.”
Jake lets out a snort, and Andreas strokes a comforting hand up and down my arm.
Zian’s forehead furrows. “What did you say?”
“No fucking way.” I grimace. “But maybe I shouldn’t have.”
I’ve been wondering about that since I cooled down enough to think clearly, although I can’t say everything I mean out loud. What would have happened if I’d played along and pretended to accept Balthazar’s offer?
Would I have been able to convince him I meant it? Would he have given me the chance to meet him in person? To get access to areas of the villa I could have used to help us?
It’s probably too late to change my tune now. Not enough that he’d trust me.
But then, I find it hard to believe that he’d ever trust me all that much no matter how I’d reacted in the moment. Even if I’m his daughter, as far as he’s concerned I’m still also a monster.
Jacob raises his chin. “That asshole is fucked up. I don’t care if he hears me saying it—it’s true.”
“Do we even know if he was telling the truth about you being his daughter?” Dominic asks.
“He was.” I can say that with total confidence, even though I don’t have concrete proof. The flickers of hope I saw in Balthazar as he worked up to telling me, his anger when I rejected him… None of his reactions felt like the way he’s laid out his plans or responded to our defiance before.
This was personal.Hehonestly believes I’m his daughter, in any case, and surely he would know.
Griffin sets his hand on my shoulder. “Drey is right. It doesn’t change who you are—or anything else. Not if you don’t want it to.”
I wish it felt like I had that much of a choice in the matter.
Zian seems to gather himself, a look of protective determination coming over his face. “Let’s go inside where it’s warmer and just… hang out together. Let us look after you while you’re getting used to the idea. It definitely doesn’t change anything about howwefeel about you.”
“Not at all,” Andreas murmurs, and kisses my temple.
An ache fills my heart. I want to go along with them, to curl up within their warmth as if it can wash away everything else in the world.
But is that the right move? How will my next actions affect what Balthazar does to me—and the guys I love—after?
Can I trust any choices I make?
I rub my forehead, grappling with my conflicted thoughts—and Zian’s head jerks around. He stares off toward the side garden, knitting his brow.
