Page 342 of Shadowblood Souls
I settle back into my crouch, studying his face in the dimness. As usual, I can’t read his intentions in it—but for once he does actually look concerned, if only vaguely. “What about?”
Griffin glances at the ground and then back at me, leaving his fingers curled gently around my wrist. “I’m sorry. For getting you caught, in the facility, before—I need to apologize to everyone for that—but especially for trying to tell you that you should still work with Clancy. For not realizing what he was doing when he had us meet up.”
The words are right, but I don’t hear any anguish in them.
I frown. “Are you saying that because you really mean it or because you know I’d want you to be sorry?”
“I mean it. I just—” He sucks in a breath, and his mouth tightens. His thumb glides over the underside of my wrist, sending a tingle shooting up my arm.
“I don’t feel very much,” he says, low and even. “I pick up on what others do, but insidemyself… I haven’t felt anything in years. The guardians decided I was too affected by the emotions I absorbed, it was a liability, and they decided to fix that problem. And for a while, I thought I was better off that way too.”
My throat constricts. “Feeling nothing could never be better. What did they do?”
Griffin shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. The point is… I do feel something, when we’re touching. I don’t know why, but the contact seems to wake up something they didn’t totally suppress.”
He traces the fragile bones of my wrist again, setting off a more heated tingle. A flush courses over my skin.
“You pulled away from me, before,” I point out, remembering our conversation in the training room.
Griffin’s fingers go still. “I—I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing. It’s been a long time. I’ve gotten used to having my head clear.”
He pauses. “But I don’t know if it ever really was clear. I was missing something all along. I’m starting to think I can’t actually make the right decisions if I don’t have any emotional reactions to guide me along with pure information.”
I swallow thickly. “I think everyone needs both.”
“I have to find a good balance. I can’t let—I still need to be careful.” He knits his brow. Then he strokes his hand right up my arm from wrist to elbow, provoking a full-out flare of heat.
When Griffin meets my eyes again, I catch a flicker of longing there. A clearer emotion than anything I’ve seen in him since we reunited.
“I’m not going to ask for anything from you,” he says. “You’re upset with me and confused, and that makes sense. But every time we touch, I feel a little closer to where I need to be. So… ifyouwant to—to hold my hand, or sit close to me, or anything like that, I hope you will.”
Sudden tears prick at the back of my eyes. Iamupset and confused, but I can also hear the boy I loved so much in his halting admission.
Griffin has been just as much a victim of the guardians’ schemes as the rest of us. Maybe more so, if they somehowmanaged to sear every feeling out of the guy who was once the most compassionate person I’ve ever encountered.
Part of me balks, but not enough to override the urge to lean toward him right now—to wrap my arms around his slender but toned shoulders and hug him hard.
Griffin lets out a shaky breath and hugs me back, his bare forearm resting against my neck, his hand skimming the band of skin where my tee has ridden up at my waist. Keeping that bodily contact in place.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers again, and this time I feel it as well as hear it.
I rest my head against his, absorbing the rhythm of his breath and the warmth of his body. “The people who really should be sorry never will be. So we just have to make sure they can’t hurt any of us ever again.”
“Yeah.” His breath tickles against my ear. His arms squeeze me a little tighter. “Ever since the other day with the throwing knives… I’ve been dreaming about the night we broke out. The moment when you kissed me.”
I wince inwardly. “When they shot you. That must be an awful memory.”
“No. It’s not. I wish everything after had gone differently, but the pain I went through is nothing compared to the joy before. Right then—that’s the best I’ve ever felt in my life. And for years, I never even thought about it. They took it away from me.”
My threatening tears rush back with a vengeance. I’m too choked up to speak.
My hand rises of its own accord to Griffin’s jaw. Nothing could feel more right than tilting my head so I can brush my lips against his.
The kiss stays butterfly-soft. Griffin barely seems to breathe, but a tremor runs through his body as he kisses me back so tenderly I want to melt right into his arms.
But I don’t know if I trust him quite that completely just yet.
And before I can decide either way, he eases back and turns his head. I follow his gaze.
