Page 327 of Shadowblood Souls
“I take it your visit with Riva didn’t go all that well?” he says. “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”
I study him, watching the outward signs of his mood even as I monitor him from the inside out. “It was going fine until she got the idea that you were hoping us re-establishing our friendship would lead to something more. Was that the larger plan? That she might warm up to me enough that she’d want to have sex with me, since she isn’t going to with Zian?”
My straightforward question sends a flicker of discomfort through the older man. As if his intentions would be any better or worse depending on how I phrase it.
He adjusts his weight. “I can see I pushed too hard with the two of them. I wasn’t going to force anything. But if we’d reached that outcome, getting more data on the connections she’s been able to form within your group would have been a welcome side benefit.”
“And would you have encouraged me to talk with her at all if it wasn’t for that possible ‘side benefit’?”
Clancy simply avoids answering that question. “Griffin, you know the work we’re trying to do here—how difficult it’ll be. I’m looking out for all of you, searching for every possible advantage.”
A pang of self-righteous defiance resonates through his emotions. He’s on the defensive—because I’m getting at the truth, and he doesn’t want to admit there could have been anything wrong about his plans.
My fingers continue their rhythmic stroking of Lua’s fur where she’s sprawled in my arms, but my thoughts jitter as the new information shuffles into my understanding of the situation.
He was using me like he tried to use Zian. He didn’t eventellme he was trying to use me.
I wouldn’t have thought he’d go that far. Just hours ago, I was telling Riva he’d realized his mistake.
Clancy sighs. “If you talk to her again, you could help her warm up to you with your powers, couldn’t you? I know you couldn’t intervene very well with Zian, but her hesitation is much less… aggressive.”
I frown at him. “I tried to calm Zian down when he went into that rage because I was afraid he’d hurt someone, not to make it easier for them to hook up. To push Riva to feel happier around me…”
That would be just like forcing myself on her, wouldn’t it? Worse than doing it physically, because she wouldn’t be able to see the attack and ward it off.
A flinch ripples through me, my thoughts narrowing down to a surge of denial. “I don’t understand why you’d ask me that. It’d be a horrible thing to do to her.”
So horrible a twinge of nausea ripples through my gut, as if just for an instant I’m actually feeling that horror.
Clancy shakes his head. “Sorry, it was a reflexive thought. Obviously as soon as you left, your influence would fade, and that could have adverse effects that would counteract any progress we made.”
Adverse effects? How about the fact that she’s one of my oldest friends, and there is no universe where coercing her into any kind of intimacy, even only renewed friendship, would be seen as anything but morally appalling?
The flicker of emotion has vanished, but my abhorrence at the idea hasn’t wavered. I need to be completely clear about this.
I draw my posture straighter. “Even if it wouldn’t fade, I would never do that to her. She’s myfriend. I’m here to stop people from being exploited, not to do it myself.”
“Of course, of course,” Clancy says, holding up his hands. “I won’t mention it again.”
He’s uneasy, but I can tell from the way he’s eyeing me that it’s only about my response. He doesn’t feel any concern or guilt at all about the tactic he just suggested.
What if Riva was right about that too? What if I’ve failed to recognize just how detached this man is fromus?
Does he still see us as so subhuman that he can’t be trusted to have even our basest best interests at heart?
The other accusations Riva threw to me flood through my head. I find myself saying, “You know, she’d be happier naturally—they’d all be happier—if the Guardianship gave them evenmore freedom. Chances to go out into the wider world for their own reasons, to do what they want, not just for missions.”
Clancy exhales in a huff. “You of all people should realize how dangerous that could be. We can’t risk it until we’re absolutely sure they wouldn’t give in to their more violent impulses.”
I fix my gaze on him even more intently than before. “Well, what about me? What if I wanted to have some time for myself? I’ve never hurt anyone. My powers can’t do any permanent damage.”
“You’re a key part of getting our operations into gear, Griffin,” Clancy says without missing a beat. “I hope you wouldn’t try to bow out on us when we need you to make sure we achieve everything we’re aiming for.”
He’s dodging the question again. He could have said I could take a brief trip, or that he’d be willing to arrange something in the future, but instead he’s saying no while doing his best to make it sound as if he’s only being reasonable.
James Clancy is a very controlled man. I’ve never sensed his emotional state going wild the way Zian or Jacob can.
But the impressions I pick up from him still tell a story. And right now, I taste not just the fear I can assume is about what might happen to the world if shadowbloods were allowed to roam freely through it, but also an anxious twinge of anticipated loss.
