Page 14 of Oops Baby for the Rockstar
It would be so much worse if she didn’t care. If she barely remembered our night together; if she was nothing except mildly creeped out that I’ve been trying so hard to find her again.
At least I’m not insane. At least she feels the intoxicating power of thisthingbetween us too. Why else would her voice quaver like that when she replies?
“I miss you too,” Tamsin says, and Christ, I’m glad I walked to an empty patch of park, because I need to swipe sudden moisture from my eyes. Don’t know whether I’m welling up out of longing or relief—probably both. “But things are… complicated, Jett. They’re messy.”
“I can handle messy.”
Tamsin blows out a shaky breath. “Well, this isreallymessy. And I’m not sure if… I don’t know if I can…”
“Where are you?” I say when she trails off. “I’ll come to you. I’ll leave right now.” Screw tonight’s gig. Everyone will hate me, but they’ll get over it in time. “Let me come and find you, Tamsin. Let me help with whatever it is.”
“You can’t help with this.”
She doesn’t sound sure.
I stand and start pacing back and forth on the parched grass. The sun peaks through the clouds overhead, and over in the distance, the empty tour trucks and the crew bus wink in the sudden brightness.
“Let me try,” I say.
“I—I can’t.”
Frustration builds, and I shove a hand through my hair, tugging at the strands until my scalp prickles. “Why not?”
“Because I’m a liar,” Tamsin blurts out, her misery clear even down the crackly line. “I’m not a photographer. I’m not the person you think I am, Jett. I’m so muchless, and if you met the real me, you never would have—”
“I would!”
“And now there are even more secrets, and they’re so much bigger, and I hate this, I hate lying to you, I hate missing youevery minute of every day, but I dug this hole for myself and there’s no way to climb back out of it.”
Tamsin stops and gasps for breath, and my jaw is clenched again at the sound of her anguish. I’d give anything in the world to be with her right now, to be able to stroke her hair and tell her everything will be okay. I’d give every cent in my bank accounts. Hell, I’d even give up my voice, Little Mermaid style.
I pace faster.
“We’re going to fix this,” I say instead, trying to imbue my voice with complete certainty. Trying to soothe my girl down a fuzzy phone line. “We’re gonna clean up whatever mess is troubling you, and we’re gonna fix all the lies, and we’re gonna tidy it all up until there’s nothing to be sad about. Okay? But first you need to tell me where you are. You need to let me see you again.”
There’s a long, loaded pause. My heart slows way down while I wait, throbbing inside my chest. I stop pacing and wait on a patch of scrubby grass, swallowing down my mounting dread.
Then: “I’m sorry, Jett.”
The call ends. And I yell and kick the tree stump hard enough to rattle my bones.
Six
Tamsin
“How did it go?” Patty is white-faced with worry when I walk back to her across the park, over to where she’s been sprinkling fish flakes into the fish ponds. She clutches the tub close to her chest, crinkling her strappy blue summer dress. “What did he say?”
I hand her phone back, numb. The last few minutes keep crashing around in my head, my strained conversation with Jett playing over and over in my brain. All the things I meant to say and didn’t; all the ways I failed. The tortured sound of his deep voice—like he really does miss me as much as I miss him. Like a phantom limb.
“I didn’t tell him.”
Patty gapes at me just like one of the hungry fish mouthing at the surface of the water. “You didn’t… didn’t tell him? Jett Santana still doesn’t know you’re pregnant with his baby?”
I shrug weakly. “Nope.”
Patty’s eyes bug. “Why not, Tams?”
“Because it’s hard!”
