Page 94 of Tate
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Oh no. She’d meant it as a compliment.
“I was just thinking that maybe sometimes I do that. I sort of don’t think about the consequences. Like our last op. I’m thinking that maybe I should have not engaged with those militants?—”
“Ford—”
“Or maybe stuck around like some kind of hero at your mother’s house. I…sort of thought maybe I was helping…”
“You were helping. Gunnar loved you. And…” She lifted a shoulder. “Thanks for taking care of Axel.”
“You could have handled him. And maybe not gotten thrown out of the house.”
“Maybe.” She looked back out at the horizon. “I’ve learned a few things, that’s true.”
“Since Gary?”
She glanced at him. “That’s really bugging you, isn’t it?”
His mouth opened, then he turned away, his jaw hard. “Yes. Actually. Yes, it is. I just keep imagining the worst?—”
“Yes.”
He looked at her, and she lifted a shoulder. “Yes. To everything you’re thinking. Gary was my mother’s boyfriend, but he was also ‘Uncle Gary’ to me.” She finger quoted the words. “And Uncle Gary liked little girls.”
Ford’s eyes darkened.
“That’s why I joined the Navy as soon as I turned seventeen.”
“Did you tell your mother?”
“No.” She held up her hand to the argument forming on his face. “Listen. It wasn’t like that at first. He didn’t…well, nothing serious happened until I was fourteen, and after that, I figured out ways to dodge him. I slept in the car or stayed at friends’ houses. And, like I said, it wasn’t all the time—just when he got drunk. Or when he and my mother were fighting. And then…” She looked away. “You learn to live with things, especially if you want to be safe.”
He was silent beside her and when she finally looked over, his jaw was so hard she thought he might break something.
But she started at the wetness in his eyes. She touched his arm. “It’s okay, Ford.”
“In what world is it okay?” His voice rose and he took a wavering breath. “It’s not okay, Scarlett.Nothing serious until you were fourteen?It’sallserious,Red. You shouldn’t ever have to be scared, let alone learn tolive with thingsto be safe.”
And then he closed his eyes, as if reining in more. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what life you lived, what shoes you were in. I’m not judging?—”
“Yes, you are?—”
He opened his eyes. “No, I’m not. I’m angry. I’m wishing that I had been there—or someone—to step in. To be the person who made it stop.”
Oh, Ford. “You made it stop with Axel.”
He drew in a breath then. Licked his lips, turned away, an emotion on his face she couldn’t read. “Yeah, well, I got you kicked out of your home.”
“It wasn’t my home. I was a guest. And I…the longer I stayed the more I was freaking out, so at least now I can get some clarity.” She sighed and walked off the porch. He followed her, and behind them the music faded. “I guess I’m just trying to figure out why I always have to be the one to save my mother. She abandonedme. But I can’t abandon her, and it makes me…I’m so angry.”
Her own words made her catch her breath. “Yeah, I’m not just angry, I’mfurious. I’m just…I don’t know. But my entire life all I’ve wanted was to get away from her, and I still can’t. I used to beg my friends to let me spend Christmas or summer vacation with them. I took every job I could so I could be out of the house, and I’d still come home and find her drunk, or gone, or…after Gary, with who knows who.” She drew in a breath, cutting her voice low again. “And here I am, having to give up my career to take care of her. And of course I have to—she’s my mother. But…I’m just mad. At life, maybe.”
“Maybe you get home health care for her and move her down to San Diego.”
“Axel will never let me do that.”
