Page 39 of Sip
My voice cracks. My chest hurts. My eyes burn. What the hell is wrong with me?
“I won’t. I swear.” She clutches me tighter, her own voice wobbling with emotion. “No matter what, that will never, ever happen. You never have to be afraid of me leaving you.”
I am afraid.
“You’ve held all of this inside, haven’t you? You’ve had your heart broken over and over and never recognized what it did to you. I understand now why you’re the way you are.”
Good thing she does because I have no clue what she’s talking about. Nothing has happened to me. I’m not any certain way. I’m fine.
“Ki-Killian? You’re crushing me.”
With her face smashed into my chest, her gasping whisper barely reaches my ears. She sucks in a huge breath when I relent and pushes against me to put space between us. Of course, I don’t allow any—physically or mentally. I cup the back of her small skull and wind my arm around her back to clutch her hip bone forcing her to flatten against me. Every inch of her has to touch every inch of me.
“Shhh. It’s okay. Just let it all out.”
I have nothing in to let out.
“Everything’s going to be okay.”
Everything’s already okay with her here with me.
“I will take care of you just like you’ve taken care of me.”
I’ve already taken care of everything that could hurt her, so we’re good. I do like her fretting and fussing over me. She seems to need to worry over me, so I let her. Whatever is necessary to make her happy with me.
I am not happy with her at all.
My grip tightens around her tiny waist, steadying her when she falters. The high heel of her black shoe sinks deeper into the saturated soil, and I give a gentle tug, bearing her slight weight to lift her out of the mud and propel her forward. I force myself to check my impatience since she’s so distraught and try hard to keep my tone even. “You don’t have to do this, Grace. You have nothing to prove to anyone.”
Just like when we departed the church, my stubborn pixie angel ignores my assertion and trudges slowly up the hill, winding around the other headstones and small mausoleums, desperate to pay her final respects. I wave away the men with enormous umbrellas trying their best to shield us from the downpour. We’re both already drenched to the core. Their efforts are moot at this point. Soaked from the heavens above where I know her husband doesn’t reside. Neither will I once my time comes to an end. Only the innocent beauty next to me will be able look down from the skies and watch over our graves. Although my gut clenches from the mere thought of her not being on this earth any longer, and I instinctively draw her closer.
Finally we reach the precipice. A picturesque view overlooks a seemingly endless green valleys that she picked for my brother as her final act of kindness to the man who never fully appreciated how generous and selfless his wife truly is. I tuck her against me— any gawkers be damned— with my palm on her still flat stomach protecting my child within her. The child he forced her to bear. The child I never knew I wanted until I learned I was having him with her. And now, I’ve done what’s necessary to protect both of them.
A sob shudders in her small body, vibrating her back deeper into my chest, as she looks down at his coffin. The ebony surface is almost as dark as the dirt that consumes him. I let her cry for a moment longer as this will be our last time here and her last time mourning over him.
“I can’t believe he’s really gone.”
I can, and I’m glad. I tip down and kiss the top of her head, sodden strands freezing under my lips. The shivers engulfing her make me even more eager to get her home, warm her up, and take care of her the way she deserves.
“I hope you’re in a better place. I hope that you’re happy. I’ll pray for you every day that you’ve finally found peace.”
I hold her until the tears dry up and the heartfelt petitions subside. With her emotions spent, she slumps in my embrace, and I scoop her up. Welcoming her curling into my grip without hesitation, I carry her back down, making my way as relentlessly as the drops pelting us. Ignoring the onlookers questioning if my reverence of her is more than a brother-in-law taking care of his sister-in-law, which it is and always will be regardless of what anyone else suspects or disapproves.
She doesn’t know why her husband is dead. Or that I’m the one who killed him.
And, I will do everything in my power to ensure she never does.
With my head in her lap, kissing on her still flat stomach, all I see is her looking down at me with eyes overflowing with love. For our child. Also, for me. I’ve never been loved before, and the sentiment still fucks me up sometimes. “Marry me angel.”
If we wait too long, people will think the baby is Shane’s, and nothing will stop me from claiming my child as mine. They may think it’s obligation when I make her my wife although no one will ever question my feelings for either of them. There will be no doubt.
She caresses my head and offers me a pitiful smile, still trying to be her normal optimistic self despite all she’s gone through the past week. Of what my brother and I tortured her with.
“I’m just not ready yet. I can’t think beyond…”
Beyond what? I want to throttle her and choke her and fuck her and love her all in one tornado of emotions. She fucks with my head more than she understands. Obviously she’s immune to the torture because she continues to gently stroke over my hair with her eyes closed as she leans her head back on the sofa. She’s exhausted— racked with guilt and grief. I realize I should stop pushing her so hard, demanding so much. Yet I don’t. I’m a selfish bastard even with her sometimes. “Very soon baby girl. I’m serious. You’re going to be my wife.”
I never meant to propose to her this way. Hell I never meant for any of this to happen this way. But here we are. I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks but her. If she doesn’t trust me enough to commit, I have to figure out a way to convince her. I sit up and draw her to me, well-aware I should be the one comforting her rather than the other way around. “What do you need? What will make you say yes?”
