Page 27 of Wine & Whiskey: Everything for You
Carrie swings around to face her, worry blazing in her dark eyes. “Are you sure? You don’t have to. He can get over it.”
“No. It’s fine.”
After Carrie follows Nathan into the hallway, she grabs the purple gown, folding it over before laying the dress on top of the blue wrap. Trying to hide her shaking hands and racing heart. Losing Jason was almost as difficult as her mom. Her mother was ripped away. No choice. No chance to say good-bye. Yet, Jason chose to leave her. Made the decision to walk away when she needed him the most.
“I heard you could use a friend.”
She hasn’t heard his voice in months. The lump in her throat grows at the sorrow breaking in his. It still hurts, no matter how much he disappointed her, to know he’s suffering too. “I could have used one two months ago.”
“I deserve that.”
“Yes, you do.”
He nods, slow and remorseful, seeming to accept her frustration with him. After motioning toward the sitting area, he meets her gaze. “Can I come in?”
“I don’t want to fight. I can’t take—”
The palms of his hands fly up, blocking his body in defense. “No fighting. I promise. I just want to talk.”
She nods and scoots over on the bed to make room for him. A bittersweet reminder of all the times they hung out in here, her mother randomly popping in, pretending to have a question or put away laundry. But really to confirm all was innocent. Never completely believing he was gay, and that they were drooling over the same cute guys on tour with them.
“I’m sorry about the baby.”
Unable to speak, she nods again and accepts his arm curling around her, resting her head against his shoulder. The wound too new and deep to hide or speak about.
“Actually, I’m sorry for everything. I was a jerk, and now, I understand more than I ever expected exactly how much I hurt you.”
Worry coils in her chest at his defeated tone. A deeper turmoil lingering underneath the sad smile. “What are you talking about?”
“Stephen left me.”
The ache in her heart throbs harder. Stephen was the man who loved Jason when he thought he couldn’t love himself. Who helped Jason accept the truth he fought and despised until the older man showed him what was missing in his life. “What happened?”
“I never told you because I was too embarrassed to admit it, but he’d cheated on me once before. After a few weeks, he came back.” He shakes his head, the humor missing from his bitter laugh. “And I was stupid enough to fall for his groveling and begging and assurances it meant nothing and would never happen again. So fucking dumb.”
“I had no idea.”
Her comfort falls away as he stands up and strides to her dresser. His fingertips trace the antique frame holding her mother’s photo. Both of them missing her, especially now. “We were good for a while, but little things kept happening that made me suspicious. But, of course, I didn’t want to believe it was true, so I ignored them. But I came home from work, and he had moved out. The house was empty, and so was our bank account. I lost the gym.”
“I’m so sorry.” She can’t hold back any more. Punishing him doesn’t lessen her heartbreak. They need each other. Her arms slide around his waist, and he engulfs her with his embrace, seeming to need the solace just as much. “Why didn’t you come to me? I would have helped you.”
“Yeah, that would’ve been real cool of me, wouldn’t it? I destroy our friendship and then ask you for money.”
“I would have given it to you, you know.”
“I know.” A deep sigh blows against her hair. “I loved him so much, and I hate the fact that after all the shit he did to me, I still do. How fucked up is that?”
She nods at his anguish. The power of love to generate the best and the worst, whether either one can be withstood or not. “I get it.”
He draws her tighter against him and kisses her forehead. “Losing Stephen made me realize you can’t help who you love, and I should’ve supported you instead of turning my back on you.”
She steps back, needing to see his face. Needing him to see the pain in hers. “You really hurt me.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”
“I want to. I really do. But…” She’s missed him more than he’ll ever understand. One of her only genuine friends in a world of people she can’t trust. Yet, now her faith in their friendship remains tested. Uncertain if it can be restored when a barrier remains between them. “What about Nick?”
His body stiffens, his hands rubbing the back of his neck. The telltale sign of his unease.
