Page 23 of Wine & Whiskey: Everything for You
Shae wraps her arms around her knees, waiting for the judgment to begin, for the confirmation deeming her unstable after her meltdown last night. Although she doesn’t really need a professional to affirm it. She’s seen it happen too many times to know it’s phase one of spinning out of control. Of turning into her mother.
Butterflies flitter in her stomach as the door opens and a tall, dark-haired woman walks in and smiles. Moisture beads roll down her back, and she fights the urge to run away, flee from the panic racing through her. Certain she won’t be able to hide the truth from the therapist.
“Hi, Shae. I’m Elizabeth Meyer.”
After they shake hands, the doctor sits down, smoothing her black skirt under her legs. “From my discussion with Dr. Callahan, I feel like it would be beneficial for us to talk and see how I can help you.” She opens the file in her hand and lays it across her lap. “During my first session with a new patient, I like to find out what your goals are, what you want to achieve through therapy. So, let’s start there. Why are you here today?”
How can the fear of insanity be described in just a few words, when her only real desire is for verification it’s not true. “I’m not sure how to explain it.”
Dr. Meyer leans toward her, meeting her gaze. “Did someone force you to come? Are you here against your will?”
Her thoughts fly to Nick. His talent of persuasion enticed the receptionist into shifting appointments and getting her in first thing this morning. Her agreement and his determination bring her here today. “No.”
“So, if you came of your own accord, there must be something you want.”
All night, Nick held her close, murmuring words of comfort, staving off her fears. But, now, sitting on the beige sofa in an elegant, cream and tan office, she can’t deny the doubts plaguing her. “I’m afraid you’re going to say I’m crazy.”
“That’s not a term I prefer to use.” Dr. Meyer shakes her head. “Regardless, what makes you think I would say that?”
“I freaked out last night. I couldn’t catch my breath, and all these bad memories flooded my head. I couldn’t make them stop.” The thought of Nick’s gentleness slows her speeding heart. So confident and reassuring, he brought her back from the fear gripping her mind and body. His huge hands holding her close, sharing his strength when her own was gone. “If my fiancé hadn’t helped me, I’m not sure what would have happened.”
A small blessing her freak out occurred at home rather than in the public eye like other fallen celebrities. Stories of temper tantrums in restaurants and shoe throwing at upscale boutiques light up all the gossip websites and entertainment news shows. The first steps in the process of career suicide, crucifixion in the media. Everyone loves to see a star implode.
No one living this life ever expects it to be them, buoying themselves with the belief they’re above it and won’t cave to the pressure. Now it’s her, except the strain comes not from her career, but from the world of the man she loves. The man she can’t live without.
The file slides forward on Dr. Meyer’s lap as she takes notes. The tip of her felt pen gliding across the paper is the only sound in the room before she looks up. “It sounds like a panic attack. A sign your body responded physically as well as mentally to a high level of stress.”
A calm, rational explanation for an experience that wasn’t. An incident which made her question herself more than she ever has. “Is that normal?”
“It can be a common reaction to trauma that’s difficult to handle. Do you think that applies in your situation?”
“Yes.”
“What do you think triggered the episode last night?”
The end of something which made her a person beyond just herself. More than a friend, pop star, fiancée, she’s the mother of someone she won’t ever meet. Yet she’s never loved anyone more. She inhales deeply before she can respond, sadness burning her eyes and throat. “I’m pregnant, but the doctor called and said my test results showed the pregnancy isn’t going to progress. I’m going to miscarry.”
“I’m sorry.” Dr. Meyer uncrosses her legs and leans forward, meeting her gaze with a sympathetic nod. “I’m sure you were devastated to hear that news.”
Their baby rests inside her, loved and cherished, but not meant to be. The pain of knowing he won’t be with her much longer strangles her heart. “I hadn’t known for very long, but he was already our whole world.”
“You and…” Dr. Meyer glances at the chart before looking up again. “Nick? How did he take the news?”
“He was upset too. But at first I was scared he was going to freak out.”
“Freak out how?”
She squeezes her legs tighter, resting her chin on her knees. “He’s a very intense man. He…”
The words fade from her lips, unable to find the right words. Although he shields her from the details of his life to protect her, she knows enough to destroy him. Yet, her heart flip-flops that he trusts her enough to know she never would. An unspoken agreement between them she’ll never break.
Dr. Meyer taps her pen against her paper and studies her. A hint of suspicion flickers in her face before the mask of impartial professional returns. “You know you’re safe here. And, unless you’re an immediate danger to yourself or someone else, everything you say stays between us. I would never violate patient confidentiality.”
“He lives in a very dangerous world and worries about keeping me safe.”
“Are you afraid of him?”
She smiles and shakes her head. Of all her worries, that isn’t one. “No, he would never hurt me.”
