Page 61 of Wine & Whiskey
“You mean like Evan?” Now low and hard, all the restraint vanishes from Nick’s voice. His anger speeds toward the level reserved for Juan unless she stops it. She entwines their fingers, putting her other hand on top of his.
Nathan shrugs his shoulders, feigning indifference to Nick’s fury, only the twitch of his right eye giving him away. “At least with Evan she’s safe.”
“Yeah, a man who punishes her when he doesn’t get his way and berates her when she’s already heartbroken. That’s what she fucking deserves?”
Carrie’s mouth falls open. “Nick! That was between us!”
They fight over her as if she’s a child, treating her like she’s four instead of twenty-four. She shakes her head. Because she always lets them, goes along with what everyone else wants. But, not this time. Not anymore.“Please stop. I don’t need all of you to decide what I do with my life. I’m the only one who can make that decision.”
Her reprimand quiets the conversation. Nathan takes another drink while Carrie glares at Nick as he stands up.
“You’re right.” Nick rubs his knuckles across her cheek, making her stomach drop at the doubt in his eyes. “Do what you have to do.”
No one says a word as he walks out of the living room and jogs up the stairs. Shae turns back to Nathan. “I know you’re upset, but he is too. No one feels worse about what happened than him.”
“I realize that, but if he wants to feel better, he needs to get you two out of the middle of this.”
“He’s trying the only way he can.”
“Listen to what I’m telling you. A man was shot. You could have been killed.” He speaks slowly, emphasizing each word to drive home his point, hurting her more with each stab. “I see this stuff every day. Can you imagine, if God forbid, Carrie or you showed up in the ER with—” He picks up Carrie’s hand. “I know you think you love him, but he’s not worth dying for.”
“I do love him.” Shae stands up and walks outside to the deck. The cool breeze is ineffective at calming the emotions battling between her head and her heart. Everyone thinks they know what she should do, but she has no idea. Rational thought overridden by love.
“Hey,” Carrie’s soft voice murmurs behind her. “You okay?”
“No.” Her shoulders sag under the weight of the truth. “Nathan’s right, isn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“So, what should I do?”
Carrie spreads her arms out in front of her. “Stay here with Nick and let him keep you safe. That’s what’s most important right now.”
“But being with him is wrong. Isn’t it?”
“Who knows? How does anyone really know what’s right?”
The faint light from the house dances on the black water as the waves ebb and flow across the sand, matching the argument in her head to stay or to go. Trying to find her own voice, stifled by ones from the past and present.
“All I can think about is my mom. She’d want me to leave Nick too. But, the scary thing is, I don’t know if it would be for my safety or just because she never wanted me to be happy since she never could be.” She rubs her hand across the railing. “Evan was right about her.”
“Are we being honest with each other?”
She lets out a small laugh, the absurdity of the situation almost comical if it wasn’t so bleak. “At this point, what else can we be?”
“She was crazy. But she loved you and wanted you to be happy. She just didn’t know how to do it without trying to protect you from getting your heart broken.”
Wrapping her arms around herself, Shae blows out a deep breath. Everyone blames Nick, judging him for the burdens she bears from being with him. Yet she comes with issues too, alienating him with her irrational behavior even though he never admits it. “I just don’t want to end up like her, alone and bitter.”
Carrie shakes her head, a small smile brightening her face. “Nah. It’s too late for that. You’re in love. You just need to admit it to him.”
“I’m too scared.”
“I know.” Carrie pulls her hair into a pony tail, a nervous habit she doesn’t even realize she has. “Do you know why I love Nathan?”
Friends since kindergarten, she knows, but shakes her head anyway, wanting to hear again what makes her best friend truly happy.
“Everyone always thinks of me as wild Carrie, which I am most of the time. But, sometimes I feel like laying low. Not always having to be ‘on,’ you know? And he loves me anyway. I think it’s the part he likes best actually. He puts up with the crazy because he knows the real me underneath.”
