Page 49 of Wine & Whiskey
“You’ve always been so sure, even from the beginning.”
He shrugs before bringing her hand to his mouth and kissing it. “I wish it was the same for you. I know you’re scared. But I’ll wait forever for you if I have to.”
Afraid of so many things, she sags under the immensity of her doubt, gripping his chest tighter, seeking to share in his confidence. The intensity of his love engulfs her, making the loss of it what she fears the most, knowing if she pushes too hard, asks too much, she may smother the fire blazing between them.
“Now it’s my turn to make a confession. After we met, I Googled you to find out more about you. I knew you were involved with the Foundation before you told me. I never said anything because I didn’t want you to think I was a creepy stalker or something.”
His deep belly laugh shakes them both. “You don’t have to worry. I would never think that about you.”
“Well, I’m just glad you know. I felt really guilty about it.”
“You don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”
As he attempts to lift up and turn around, she tightens her arms around him. Her strength is no match for his, but he lets her hold him in place. Nuzzling his neck, she whispers in his ear, “Neither do you. I don’t blame you for what Juan did.”
The stubble on his cheek tickles her skin as he shakes his head. “You should never have been pulled into this. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for what happened.”
Taking a deep breath, she closes her eyes. She must convince him they can be free of all this. “I know I make it difficult for you to love me. After everything with my mom and Evan, I panic sometimes. That’s not fair to you. You’re so good to me. You don’t deserve for me to act so irrational.”
This time he breaks free of her embrace, turning back to look at her, his face drawn with worry. “Shae, I—”
“I really do want to be with you, even if I don’t make sense sometimes.”
His body relaxes as she strokes his cheek, releasing the fear darkening his eyes. “Thank you for telling me that.”
“You told me last night you want to marry me.”
His fingers snake around her waist, and he slides her closer, desire burning in his eyes as they gaze into hers. “There’s nothing I want more.”
“But, I don’t know if I can if you’re…” Afraid if she doesn’t say it now, she won’t be able to, she forces herself to keep going. “In the mob.”
“I…” All the color drains from his face as he shakes his head. “You can’t…” He stands up and paces in front of her, unable to respond.
Guilt burns in her chest at his pain, everything he wants to keep hidden now on display, forced to expose his secrets because of her interrogation. “It’s the truth, Nick.”
Curling his hands into fists, he presses them against his closed eyes. “I’m an investor, you know that. I make money by—”
They hit the same wall as always. He gives the same speech as before. Unwilling to admit what they both already know, he attempts to divert her attention. But it won’t work this time. She can’t let it.
“I do know. But, that’s not all. Financiers don’t have death threats against them or their girlfriends.” She lifts up on her knees and grasps his hands, pulling them away from his ashen face, meeting his panicked gaze. “Please, get out of it. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me. We can’t build a life together if we always have threats hanging over us.”
“I’ll keep you safe. I promise I won’t make the same mistake again.”
Her body pulses from hurting him, throbbing at the guilt of dangling in front of him what she hopes they both want, yet can’t have with a life like this. “What if we have children?”
“Children?” Shock lowers his voice almost to a whisper, as if he’s considering a foreign concept.
Even in her fear, she smiles at the thought. “Yes, that’s what marriage means—husband, wife, kids running around, the dog chewing up your shoes. A totally crazy, but absolutely wonderful life.”
“I want that.” He nods before caressing her cheek. “With you.”
“It scares me more than you can imagine, but I’m starting to want it too. But how can we have a family if we’re in danger all the time? We both know more than anyone what it’s like to be without our parents. I don’t want my children not to have their father. Or, what if Juan threatened our kids?”
He drives his hand through his hair but doesn’t speak, his wide-eyed expression hiding a storm of torment she can’t rescue him from.
“You have to get out of it.”
Dropping back down on the lounge chair, he holds his head in his hands. “It doesn’t work that way.”
