Page 33 of Wine & Whiskey
5
Chapter Five
Two weeksago she was alone, maybe not even really cognizant she was lonely. Of course, she has Carrie, Nathan, and Jason. They love her, and she loves them, more like family than friends. Yet, Carrie and Nathan are getting married soon, and Jason is busy running the gym and building a life together with his partner, Stephen.
If she’s honest with herself, her loneliness is of her own making. She shelters herself from life in the so-called fast lane, trying not to get caught up in the antics destroying other musicians’ careers. Heeding her mom’s warnings, she shies away from men who show interest in her. One or two dates maybe, but never more. Evan earned a chance because of his friendship with Nathan, yet even that relationship succumbed to her mother’s never-ending need to protect her from a broken heart.
Now, this wonderful, gorgeous, intoxicating man sleeps next to her. He’s generous and protective, making her feel like no other man has before. In return, she acts like an irrational tease. One who pulls away any chance she gets. For some unfathomable reason, he still loves her, although she gives him every reason not to.
Her mother would hate him. He’s too rich, too handsome, his proclamation of love too soon and intense. But her mom is gone, and she won’t have to choose between them. The guilt weighs on her, almost suffocating in its enormity. And, if he leaves, it’s because of her alone. She can’t blame anyone else but herself.
In the mid-day light, she studies his profile, the stubble on his jawline and chin barely visible. His chiseled chest rises and falls, his hand covering hers as it lies over his heart. Even in his sleep, he holds her close and makes her feel loved. The desire to do the same for him overwhelms her. She smiles to herself. That’s her new plan—to make him feel happy and loved.
She slides her fingers out from under his and rolls away. His hand on her waist stops her. “Where are you going?” Insistent fingers pull her back into bed.
“I was going to take a shower. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“I’m not. It killed me to wake up this morning and find you gone. I didn’t want it to happen again.”
They lay side by side, their faces only a few inches apart. The doubt in his eyes pierces her heart. The only time she’s faced the result of running away, the first time she sees beyond her own heartache to his pain. She wraps her hands together and tucks them under her chin. “I know. I’m sorry. It hurt me to leave you. I just panicked.”
He’s silent, perhaps waiting for more.
“Instead of relief, all I felt was fear. I realized I’d made the biggest mistake of my life, and I was scared I would never see you again. It wasn’t until you showed up at my door I knew you really loved me.”
“Why did you finally believe it then?”
“Because you still wanted me even after I left you.”
He reaches out and caresses her cheek, his soft touch granting her the forgiveness she seeks for hurting him. “I will always want you. Until you look me in the eye and tell me we’re over, I will follow you no matter where you run to.” His declaration is simple yet powerful, his voice strong and emphatic. The certainty of his feelings bewilders her the most. How can he be so sure?
Sliding his hand down her arm, he lays it on top of her curled fingers. “But what I really want is for you not to run at all. What can I do to keep you from leaving me?”
If only it could be that easy, that she could be as confident in herself as he is. She shakes her head. “Help me not feel guilty about betraying my mom.”
“What makes you think you are?”
Love for her mother outweighs all the other emotions she feels for her. Yet, her stomach tightens at the shame of talking about her insecurities, the irrational tangents that hung over their lives, never allowing them to experience contentment together. “She wouldn’t have liked us being together.”
“I can be pretty charming when I want to be.” He flashes his sexiest smile, making her body tingle despite her remorse. “Maybe I could have convinced her.”
His bravado makes her laugh. “If anyone could do it, it would be you.” She wraps her hands together again and snuggles deeper under the covers. “It’s sad, really. She always had this melancholy nature about her. It would disappear sometimes when things were going well, like my first recording session or when I bought her this house. But it always came back. I don’t think she was ever really happy.”
“Why not?”
“She was lonely. My father broke her heart, and she never trusted anyone again. I can remember her going on a few dates, but not many. She was so fearful of getting hurt, she never took a chance. According to her, I should never take one either.” She lays her hand against his open palm resting on the pillow, smiling as his long fingers instantly curl around hers. “I was lonely too until I met you.”
“Me too. I guess I had given up without realizing it. I just worked and hung out with Max.” He winks at her. “I mean I like Max and everything, but he’s not really my type.”
“I like Max too.”
“Should I be jealous?”
She giggles at his teasing, some of her tension from earlier dissipating from his humor. Naked and honest, yet she doesn’t feel vulnerable. Only safe and content. “You know what I mean. He can be a little intimidating at first, but I think he’s a softy underneath.”
Now it’s his turn to laugh. “Don’t let him hear you say that. He thinks he’s perfected a badass image.”
She leans into his hand on her cheek. “I’m glad you have each other. I know he’s your Director of Security or whatever his title is, but he seems more like your friend.”
