Page 126 of Wine & Whiskey
Her delicate pink fingers pat his, reminding him his improvised plate is empty. He tears off more, and she gobbles them up. “Are you a kid or a mouse?”
Jessica hands him a plate with banana slices. “She loves these too.”
Smashing the pieces in her hand before stuffing them in her mouth, Emme starts to slow down on the fifth bite. She rubs her heavy eyes, getting tiny pieces of fruit on her long lashes.
“How old is she?”
“She was one last week.”
A whole year of her life without him. If she’s really his, he’s missed out on so much. “How could you have kept her from me?”
“When Kevin and I broke up, he made her take a paternity test, and it wasn’t him.”
Disgust rather than jealousy courses through him. He knew she had numerous lovers before him, but never expected any of them to be simultaneous. “You were cheating on me when we were together?”
“Not that you cared. You didn’t even notice.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I left hints, trying to make you jealous, but you were oblivious. Even if you knew, you probably wouldn’t have done anything about it.” She strokes Emme’s hair as she talks. “I did everything I could so you would want me for more than just sex. But it never worked. You always took off as soon as we were done. Or, when I was here, I knew you were always trying to figure out how to get rid of me.”
Now, he pays the price. All those years of living without concern for himself or anyone else comes back to haunt him. “I’m sorry I was a dick. But I didn’t know until the end you wanted more. I thought you were happy with just sex.”
“I was at first. But then I fell in love with you. You would hold me so close in bed and make me feel like you wanted me so much. Then afterward, it was like we were just fuck buddies going our separate ways. When I told you how I felt, you broke up with me.”
The first time he’s ever seen Jessica let down the hardness she’s built around herself. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just didn’t feel the same way, and I didn’t think we should be together knowing we weren’t just…‘fuck buddies’ anymore.” Emme yawns and reaches for Jessica. “You must be a good mom. I can tell how much she loves you.”
“She’ll love you too, once she gets to know you.”
They always used a condom. Always. Never once did he forget. But it’s difficult to deny how much Emme looks like him. “I don’t want to argue, but we need to do the test. I have to know the truth.”
“Okay. When you find out for sure, what are you going to do?”
Be a better father than his ever was. Protect her with the same level of security he has for Shae. Make sure her life is perfect. “Take care of her. I want her to be a part of my life. We’ll set up a schedule or something. Maybe she can stay here on weekends. And I’ll make sure you’ll never have to worry about anything.”
“That’s it?”
“If she’s mine, she’ll know I’m her father. I’ll never let her think or feel otherwise.”
“What about me?”
He meets her gaze, so she has no doubt of his intentions. “Whatever you need, it’s yours.”
“But not your love.”
Only another argument can come out of this discussion. He drives his hand through his hair. “Jessica—”
“We could move in and be a family.” Her free hand reaches for his. “The three of us. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about visiting her. She would always be here.”
“You know it won’t work. We can’t get along well enough to live together.”
“You’re a real asshole, you know that?”
And the Jessica he knows is back. “Yeah, I know. What do you want from me?”
“I want you to love me. I want you look at me like you look at Shae.”
He ignores her pleas. Answering will only anger the beast. He nods toward the little head resting on her shoulder. “You’re welcome to let her sleep here, but I have to go out.”
