Page 127 of Wine & Whiskey
“You’re going after her, aren’t you?”
He stands up and gestures toward the living room. “I don’t know when I’ll be back. You can stay as long as you want. Marta can help you with anything you need.”
Her red face pinches in anger. “Fuck that shit. I’m leaving. I’m not going to fucking sit around and wait for you.”
“Fine. I’ll take the test, and we’ll go from there.”
“Fuck you, Nick. All you need is right here. You would never have to chase after me. I hope she’s worth it.”
She is. “I’ll talk to you on Monday.”
They walk outside in silence, except for her huffs and sighs. After she buckles Emme in her car seat and drives off, he climbs into his car. No Max or Carter this time. Only he can fix this.
When he gets there, Shae’s SUV sits in the garage, but the other two bays are empty. He manages a half-wave to one of the security guys while he jogs up the sidewalk to her porch. All his thoughts circle around finding the right words to convince her of his faithfulness.
The last time he chased her here, he proved how much he loves her. This time won’t be so easy. After no response to his knock on the front door, he pushes it open and steps inside. “Shae?”
The living room, kitchen, and deck are all empty. Guilt rolls through him for being in her house without her permission, but he has to see her. He walks down the hall to her bedroom, the open door revealing the emptiness. He taps on the bathroom door. “Shae?”
“Nick?”
Although muffled, he can still hear the sadness in her voice. “Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry for barging in, but I need to talk to you.” No answer. At least she doesn’t tell him to leave. “Please, sweetness? I need to tell you something.”
After a long minute, she replies, “What?”
He starts to turn the knob, but forces his hand back. She didn’t say “come in.” With the door closed, she keeps a barrier between them. Hopefully, his words will be enough to break it down. “I know I brought all of this on myself. I deserve everything you said. But you have to know what the last three weeks have been like for me, without you.”
Her pink robe lies across the foot of her bed. He fights the urge to pick it up and lose himself in her flowery scent. “When I found out I hurt you, I think I went out of my mind. Every time I closed my eyes all I could see were the…”
He can’t bring himself to say the word. “So, all I did was drink. I wanted to be numb and not feel the pain of you being gone. I probably would have drunk myself to death if Max and Carter hadn’t stopped me. The only thing keeping me going was the need to keep you safe. You were all I could think about during the day and all I would dream about at night.”
Fury wells up in his chest at his own stupidity. “When you left the party with Evan, I lost it. I hated myself for telling you to be with him. The thought of the two of you together pushed me over the edge. I got drunk and made Jacks take me to Jessica’s. I just wanted to feel something that didn’t remind me of you. Something the exact opposite of you.”
He leans his forehead against the door, the coolness of the wood a welcome relief from the heat burning his face. “But it didn’t work. You were all I could think about, and I realized I couldn’t be with her or anyone else. So, no matter what happens, I can’t live with myself if you think for even a second you weren’t everything I thought about and who I wished I was with. It’s always been you. No one else but you.”
His sanity hangs by a thread. She has to believe him. “Please, sweetness. Tell me you know how much I love you.”
