Page 103 of Wine & Whiskey
No snippets or flashes of memory come. The last three days remain blank. Regardless of what he can’t remember, the result is the same. He hurt her.
And he won’t let it happen again.
Pink fabric flutters by the doorway as Shae slides to the floor, her arms wrapped around herself, watching him. She tilts her head in sympathy, her frowning face full of concern. “Are you okay?”
No, and he never will be. He swallows hard and rasps, “It’s over.”
“Good. I hate seeing you like this.”
He closes his eyes, unable to face her expression when he breaks her heart. “No, I mean between you and me.”
“What?” Shock is evident in her voice, even as she whispers. “Please don’t do this.”
“I have to. We can’t be together after what I’ve done to you.”
“It wasn’t your fault. You were drugged.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re covered in bruises…” He opens his eyes and points to his chest, where the explosion of his heart restricts the incoming air. “…from me.”
He puts his hand up as she crawls to him, but she pushes it down. “I don’t blame you.”
“Look at your arms.” He forces the words out through gritted teeth. “I did that to you.”
She kneels in front of him. “Look at my face.” A small smile crosses her lips as her beautiful blue eyes gaze into his. “I’m okay.”
His chest aches at her attempt to protect him from the truth, as well as the depth of her ability to forgive the unforgiveable. “How can you be, after what I’ve done to you?”
She drops her head, rubbing her hands across her eyes. Hiding her angelic face makes it easier. She doesn’t need him. She has her career, her friends. His selfish desire to be with her only brings her pain. Now, she can go back to her old life and be safe. “We have to end this.”
“I promised you I would never leave, and I meant it.”
“That was before you found out I’m a fucking monster.”
She looks up and squints at him, determination filling her eyes. “Have you ever wanted to hit me?”
Nausea rolls in his stomach, but only self-hatred remains. “Stop it.”
“When you were mad at me for not telling you about Spencer, did you want to hurt me then?”
He turns his head away, trying to shut out her words. “I can’t listen to this.”
“Did I make you angry enough you wanted to slap me or punch me? Make me feel pain?”
His eyes lock with hers. She has to know he’s not capable of what she’s asking. “The thought never even crossed my mind.”
“I know it didn’t.” A brighter smile returns, and she shakes her head, as if the answer is obvious. “All the time I’ve known you—at the gym, with Juan, at the winery—all you have ever wanted to do is protect me.” She scoots closer and lies against his chest, her head tucked into his neck. “I know you would never hurt me. You have proven it over and over.”
Unable to put his hands on her, to push her away, he backs up as far as he can before hitting the wall. He wills his body not to respond. Not to weaken under her gentle touch and her words trying to re-build the connection between them.
“You can’t give up on us now, not after everything we’ve been through.”
Arguments against her comments spin in his mind. She never gave herself to him completely. Never trusted him enough to share her true feelings with him. The harsh reality he couldn’t accept—she wasn’t meant to be his. “If I hadn’t been so damn selfish, you wouldn’t have had to go through anything. I should have let you go a long time ago. You belong with someone who—”
Unable to fight it, heat races through him at her lips on his ear. “I can’t be with anyone else when I’m in love with you.”
The words hit him like a punch in the gut. The final barrier between them crumbles after he’s hurt her the most. When he deserves it the least. “No, don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
