Page 30 of Under the Influence
He scoops me up, curling me against him, and carries me to the mattress. Gently laying me on the twisted sheets before sliding in behind me. His heart pounds against my back. Both of our bodies taut and pulsing from him scaring the hell out ofus.
“God damn it. You’re in my bed from now on. None of this fucked up fucking shitanymore.”
So distraught he can barely speak. I nod, needing reassurance as much as he does, and his hard breaths start to slow. Finally calming with my agreement. A hand snakes up from my hip and under my tee shirt before sliding between my breasts. His fingers splayed around my throat. Claiming me. With or without sex. With or without my agreement. With or without protest. I belong to Giovanniagain.
I almost fucking shother.
I almost fucking shot the only woman I’ve ever loved who might be carrying my childagain.
What in the fucking hell is wrong with me? I fucking swear I heard the click of a safety. I must have been dreaming. She stood in front of me. Happy and hopeful. Holding out her open hand. Urging me to accept. Offering herself to me again. Despite every urge to touch her, I couldn’t seem to move. Tangled in something I couldn’t fight through. Until I heard that fucking gun behind her. Until some motherfucker wanted to hurt myBooks.
A shaking hand entwines with my fingers wrapped around her delicate throat. Holding her in place. Holding her secure. Holding her withme.
I'm sorry I scared the fucking hell out of her, but I'll never be sorry she's here with me. "I would never hurtyou."
"I know. I shouldn't have snuck in here in the middle of thenight."
I'm so fucking glad you did. "Why didyou?"
"I missedyou."
My cock hardens fully against her ass. Which I know she can feel. She doesn't protest, and I don't push. Letting her talk with the admission I've been waiting to hear for too damn long. "I've missed you tooangel."
She's quiet again. Only the sound of the rustling blanket as her fingernails glide up and down my forearm. Confirming she's deep in thought. About me.Fuck.
"I'm not sure if I can trust this – trust you. But I want to be with you for as long as itlasts."
I flinch from the dubiety invading her whisper. "Forever. That's how long it fuckinglasts."
My grip on her neck squeezes. An involuntary response from her remark. Fuck me for being a dick. She's probably already tender from my fucking attack. I need to fucking get my shittogether.
“But, please promise me you’ll really protect my family and Sheena. I can't let anything happen to them because of mymistakes."
Damn. So fucking close but I still can't completely eradicate her insecurity. "We arenota mistake. And, I swear you don't have to worry about them. They will always besafe."
Even if I have to bring them here too. I'll buy every apartment in the building if I have to. Whatever it fucking takes to make her believe in me. To believe in mycommitment.
The tension loosens from her rigid body, and she snuggles deeper into my chest. Seeming to relax for the first time since I brought her home. Hopefully, accepting the vow I've made to her. So, I guide our coupled hands to her stomach and gently tug on the silver pendant. Lying in the dark, adrenaline barreling through us, we're both exposed. Vulnerable. Weak. I plunge in with the other question weighing on me since last night. “What was itlike?"
“What?”
“To have my baby insideyou.”
My voice seems so loud in the starkness of the quiet room. Blaring from the ambivalence still evident between us. Silky hair sways across my bare chest from her head shaking as she gulps. Fighting to keep from crying. Fuck me for being an asshole and upsetting her again. But I wasn’t there. Wasn’t where I should have been and I need to know. I keep massaging her smooth skin. Hoping she will answer. Wishing she would let mein.
“It was the best four days of mylife.”
Thank fuck. She utters the words I was desperate to hear. I know the experience was horrible and shitty and scary. But I wanted her to be ecstatic too. Just like I was for the seconds I imagined her carrying mychild.
“I mean I was a mess. Trying to understand why you hated me and what I was going to do. How I was going to tell my parents and figure out my class schedule. But that was just the practical side of things. I already loved him.” A wistful laugh breaks through her tears. “Or her. Either way, I knew it would be okay somehow. He gave me hope I would be all right because I would have him. Even if I didn't haveyou.”
Those last words punish me the way I deserve. She should have always had me, pregnant or not. “If things had worked out, you’d be almostdue.”
Her head bobs. She was honest with me about the book and the ring so I have to return the favor. "I hope you're pregnantagain."
"Gio...I..."
Reluctance I don't want to hear strains her voice. Clogged with old and new emotions same as mine. "But even if you're not, you're still going to marryme."
