Page 31 of Straight, No Chaser
Chapter Eleven
Ilookas shitty as I slept. Fucking great way to meet with DeMarco. His first impression of me will be that I’m a fucking bum.
The few times I actually drifted off last night were filled with dreams of her knocking. Begging me to let her in. Not just my bedroom. But in my heart. Which is too fucked up to make room for her. Too cruel a fate to sacrifice her to the devil.
I unlock the door, another reminder of my path straight to hell. Sparkles of light shimmer against the silver knob. A circle of black and white diamonds sliding around the handle. Fuck me. No words needed for her to wound me as much as I’ve wounded her. Proof that she’s over me too. Good.
Message received, angel.
In the kitchen, the collateral damage is worse than I suspected. She’s just as broken. Dark circles rim her dull eyes. Ruby splotches canvas her ivory skin. Loose hair hiding half her face. Never lifts her head while she helps Eli spread peanut butter on his toast.
Even he seems impacted, not uttering a word. Just furtive glances between me and her. Like he used to do with Harper and Dad. Like he fucking knows. God damn it.
I fucking force a cheerful expression. “Hey little man. Once you finish eating I’ll drive you to school.”
Her pitiful gaze finally meets mine. The same suspicion scrunches his face too. He hates change, especially when it impacts his time with her. “But Molly usually takes me.”
“Well, she has something she has to take care of while we’re gone so I’m taking you today.”
“Oh, okay.”
He looks to her for reassurance, and of course, she gives him a solid smile. No doubt or hesitation. She’s a fucking amazing actress to be able to make him feel like everything is all right. When both of us are fucking dying inside.
The racket from the blender mixing my protein shake is the only noise to break the silence. Each of muted from the uncertainty engulfing us.
After a few more bites and a long drink of milk, he hops down and races to the door. “Got to get my backpack!”
She stands up too. Obviously unwilling to spend a second more with me than she has to. Too bad we’re going to be alone together for the next twenty-four hours. “I’m having dinner with an important business associate and his wife tonight in California. I need a date. You’re going with me.”
Disbelief or disgust – not sure which, probably both ? lifts her chin. A furious gaze bores into me like daggers. "No."
I step closer and jerk Eli’s plate out of her hand. Hulking over her to make sure my message is crystal clear. “You. Are. Going.”
Fury swirls with fear in her expression, but she powers on. Fucking making me want her more. “I’m a nanny. I take care of Eli. That’s what you hired me for, remember?”
She taps the side of her head, implying my idiocy she’s stuck tolerating. Ignoring my dick hardening from her smarting me off, I smooth down my jacket. Calm as if dealing with any other insubordinate employee. Although they would be dead for talking to me like that. But I’m nice enough to let her insolence slide. "There's a clause in your contract that reads,Other duties as required. This trip is one of those duties."
We stand off. Neither arguing or backing down. But I will win. I always fucking win.
"Fine." A rage I've never heard before burns in her voice. "But you can hire a prostitute for your other night duties. I'm not your hooker."
She has no fucking idea how much that angers and turns me on at the same time. But, I’m a mean ass bastard who lashes back when I’m hurt. “You’re fucking kidding yourself baby if you think I’d ever have to pay for sex.”
I expect a slap. But instead, she sucks in her bottom trembling lip and spins back to the counter. Busying herself with tying the bread wrapper. Her fingers shaking so much she drops the twist tie twice before she manages to get it fastened. Fuck.
“Be ready to go when I get back. Bring something nice to wear for dinner.” Maybe I can be a little bit nice. “We might go the beach too before we come home tomorrow so bring a suit.”
“I need to tell Eli goodbye.”
My gut fucking drops even more from the sob in her whisper.
“Make it quick.”
God I’m a cruel bastard. I just can’t seem to stop being a total asshole. This is what I want, so why the fuck am I hurting her more than necessary. Proof of why I’m fucking insane. Because deep down, I want her to fight back. Fight for me. For us.
With a curt nod, she brushes past me and runs out, following my little brother’s path. With no other choice, I head to Eli’s room too, where she and my little brother cling to each other.
"I'm going to miss you. I wish you didn't have to go." Eli's small hand rubs her blotchy face, wiping away the watery trails. "Why are you crying?"
