Page 26 of Straight, No Chaser
She's fucking beautiful but wrong. So god damn fucking wrong.
"Luciano?"
Panic darkens her expression from the horror that must cover mine. She fights against the binding but she's too tipsy to break free from her giggling friend oblivious to her struggle. Timorous. Trapped. Terrified.
"No. Not like this."
Not with her. Not ever again.
I want to rip her off the leather boards, but I can't touch her. Can't tear my eyes from the worry shining in hers. Can't do a damn thing but back away. Racing down the hall, my head aches as much as my heart. I've fucked up. I've fucked up so fucking bad.
I'm actually shaking like a fucking pussy. Unable to blame anyone but myself. No beating or bullet can fix this. Nothing can fix what I've done.
I head to the liquor cabinet and grab a bottle from the counter. Where just a few hours ago, I made her gloriously happy. Made her body scream with pleasure.
Which was a huge mistake. She's a good girl. Like Ty said. She's supposed to be in a bed with the lights off in her nightgown. Not strewn out on a cold, hard table top like a whore. That's what I'm making her. Turning her into.
I suck down three long drinks before my stomach lurches in protest. Already swilling from the image of her at our mercy. Corrupting her innocence.
I've got to take a fucking shower. Only a few steps into the bathroom, a door slams from behind me. I jerk around from my brother stumbling inside, shoving off the door frame with his shoulder. Too fucking drunk to walk straight. Molly curls against his chest.
"Somebody likes being tied up."
Rage curls my fist from his flippant tone. Like this is some kind of fucking joke. No the fuck she doesn't, and he didn't even fucking realize it. But I don't know what's fucking worse. That he didn't catch it, or I didn't do anything about it.
I let him lay her on the bed before I attack him. Ramming him from behind once he stands up and slamming him against the wall. "Did you fuck her?"
"What the fuck are yo—?"
I shove my forearm against the back of his neck. Smashing his fucking face into the drywall. "Fucking answer me!"
"No!" He gets a hard elbow to my gut, and I stumble back. Catching a fist to my eye as he spins around. "Fuck no I didn't fuck her. I’m not a fucking rapist you stupid asshole."
My ass busts against the dresser, cracking the mirror with my back from the force. Motherfucker’s stupid but strong.
“What the hell’s wrong with you?”
Everything. “Just get the fuck out of here.”
“Fuck you.” He rubs his cheek, sprinkled with tiny specks of white paint over the ruddy skin from my assault. “If I didn’t have Aspen waiting for me downstairs, I’d kick your fucking ass.”
“So you were going to fuck both of them, but Molly passed out before you could?”
“God, you really are a fucking psycho. No, I’m going to fuck Aspen but she was too scared to go in the playroom so she drug Molly along to check it out. They were having fun until Molly said she didn’t feel good and I brought her up here.” His finger jerks toward my angel curled on the bed. Long hair splayed across half of her gorgeous face. “You know she’s not into that kind of stuff. Besides, for whatever’s the fuck’s wrong withherhead, she’s in love with you. She wants to be with you.”
Fuck me if I don’t almost fucking explode from hearing that. Even though I’ve never done a damn thing to earn any of her affection. But I shake my head, blowing off my brother’s idiotic analysis. “You’re the psycho.”
“All she talked about all night was you. Never danced with anyone else. Fuck she never even looked at anyone else. Just kept checking her phone probably hoping for a text from your stupid ass.”
Contempt darkens his face as he shakes his head. “Which I don’t know why the way you keep jerking her around. You’re nothing but an asshole and don’t deserve her.”
“Yeah I know.”
He shrugs his shoulders and strides to the door. Nothing left for either of us to say. Accurate on all counts.
My chest constricts with a deep sigh, and I tuck the comforter around her. Brushing silky blond strands behind her ear. Caressing the soft skin of her shoulder. Almost wishing she would wake up and reach out to me. Ask me to stay with her. Hold her. Love her. Anything at all. Because here in the darkness it’s easy to ignore the weight threatening to topple me. Pretend desperation and greed don’t rule in my world. That her goodness can save us. Save me.
But she remains motionless. Only her even breathing fills my ears. Her sweet face filling my chest with shame.
