Page 18 of Straight, No Chaser
Yeah, that's fucking romantic. I've got a fucking gorgeous woman wanting in my bed...to sleep. Damn.
I yank back the blankets, waiting for her to crawl in. But she shakes her head. Pushes our coupled hands against my thigh, urging me forward. Okay then. I guess I'm going in first. My patience waning as my ass hits the sheets. I'm not fucking made to be a nice guy. I'm kidding her and myself. "Listen, I..."
My protest is lost in the pure paradise of her body sheathing mine, knees tucking in the curve of my legs, small icy feet rubbing against my soles. The fabric of her smooth tank glides down my back as she snuggles in. Done. I'm so fucking done. Slayed by the backward embrace of a woman I can't seem to have. And want more than ever.
"What's this mean?"
Soft fingers trace the ink on my left shoulder, and my hips instinctively jerk forward. Needing to find her. And fucking bury myself in her heaven.
My palm automatically curls around my rock hard dick from her touch. Wishing it was her. Her fingers. Her mouth. Her pussy. Anything that will make her mine. "It's the symbol for strength. I got it when my Dad died. A reminder to put Eli first. Everything I do has to be for him."
Too bad I've failed him so many fucking times. But I swear to god I'm going to do so much fucking better with her help.
"That's the other reason."
I start to roll over. Beyond curious to understand what she means. But she palms my bare back, her hands unbelievably soft, warming my skin. Keeping me from seeing her beautiful face. I give up and stay on my side. Unwilling to break my promise. Or make her doubt me anymore than she already does. "Other reason for what?"
"Why I'm here."
Straining to hear her whisper in the darkness, I fight every urge to turn to her. Aware of the enormity of what she's revealing. Knowing she's letting me in. Just the tiniest bit, and I can't fuck it up.
"I know how much you love your brother. You're a good man." This time it's her plump lips brushing my tattoo. Jesus Christ. "And, that's what I need in my life."
A tornado of emotions seethes in my stomach. I'm not a good man. I want to be. For her. But, it's too late. I'm a killer. I don't give a damn about the men who deserve it. But Rachael. She should have been different. She shouldn't have paid the price for my selfishness. For my dead heart.
Which beats faster, inferring the other message embedded in her admission. She needs a good man because some bastard wasn't. Motherfucker will pay once I figure out who he is and discover what he did.
For tonight, I have to let that discussion wait. I don't want her mind on any other bastard when she's in my bed. Even if all we do is hold each other. "I'll always be in your life."
She cuddles closer, her forehead rubbing up and down the nape of my neck from her nod. Content for now. Somehow I am too.
8
Chapter Eight
Seven nights.
Seven fucking long ass nights she's been in my bed, and I still haven't fucked her.
I've been patient. Funny. Charming. Sympathetic. Furious. Enthusiastic. Gentle. The perfect boyfriend listening to her stories, learning about her family, discussing Eli, tolerating her questions about my childhood, past girlfriends, job. The legit role overseeing my import and export business. Not the crime family I lead. I'd die protecting her from that merciless world.
And after all that, not a god damn fucking thing has changed. Frantic kisses leading to nothing more than an innocent goodnight hug before she drifts off without me even able to see her sweet face.
Not tonight. I'm fucking done. I can't wait any longer. Can't stand the temptation any more. She's mine.
I jerk the knob to the right and flinch from the icy cascade hitting my chest and angry cock. My balls pulled up so tight in my body I can barely walk. What an asshole. Now I sound like a fucking pervert. Furious more at myself than at her that I'm unable to get in her pants. Or her heart.
Maybe I should go out with Ty tomorrow night. Find some easy pussy to take the edge off. So he'll shut the fuck up and stop harassing me. About me failing our brotherhood. About Molly's frigidity. About me being even more of a dick than usual.
I shut off the water, and grab a towel. Nodding at my decision. Confirming my deception. It's perfect. I'll keep up the facade with Molly, and she'll never find out since I'll be home long before her fucking girls night out ends. Which I failed to stop too. Damn, I'm really off my fucking game.
Besides, it's not fucking cheating if we haven't even fucked right? She's not wearing my ring, and she sure as hell isn't acting like my woman. I rub the terrycloth on my face too hard. Burning against my scruff. Which I deserve for considering this. For being a pussy ass who wouldn't be able to go through with it anyway.
I yank down the fabric. Fuck me.
Molly.
"I-I'm so sorry. I called your name. You must not have heard me from the..." She gestures toward the shower but her gaze remains on my engorged cock bouncing against my stomach from the sight of her. Urging me to bite her bottom lip too.
