Page 64 of Falling Inn Love
“Why?” I ask.
“I need to go home to grieve. I never let myself properly grieve and heal.”
I nodded. “And why can’t you do that here?”
“I need to go home,” she says quietly, unable to look at me.
“Thisishome, Beth. Don’t you feel that here? We feel it with you. I feel it with you. You belong here.”
The look on her face guts me. It’s pure anguish. She just stares at the ground, not saying anything.
I repeat the question. “Why can’t you heal here?”
“I need to go home and face everything. I can’t keep running anymore.”
“Looks to me like you’re still running.”
“I’m sorry; I don’t know how not to.”
“Why won’t you let me help you?”
“You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.”
“Then why are you leaving? Am I not enough?”
“That’s not it at all. It’s truly not you, it’s me.”
“That sounds like an excuse, Beth. You want to go back to Austin? I’ll take you.”
She shakes her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I can’t take you up on that.”
“Why the hell not?” My voice cracks. I’m upset, but I’m trying really hard not to lose it right now.
“You don’t understand.”
“Then make me understand! You’re just going to throw us away like this?”
Her eyes finally look over and meet mine. They’re full of tears, matching my own. “I’m not sure I even understand it,” she says.
I can no longer contain my anger. “I guess I can’t lose someone I never really had. You’ve told me from the beginning you wouldn’t stay; I guess I shouldn’t have thought I could change your mind. All along, this was just bullshit, wasn’t it?” I know I’m probably pushing it, but I can’t stop myself.
Logan carries her bags out to his SUV. His head is down, trying not to acknowledge me.
Even feeling the way I do now, I still have no regrets that we were together. I would rather have loved her for a little than never have loved her at all, but I can’t tell her that in my current state. Instead, I snap.
“Fine. Just go. I don’t deserve this. And neither do you. We could have been forever, Beth,” I say quietly.
Beth looks like she’s in so much pain and I can’t stand it. I want to hold her, tell her everything is going to be okay, and be there for her. I want to tell her that I hated running this inn every single day until she showed up. That I can’t imagine not having her here by my side.
But I’m upset and I’m angry, so I can’t tell her that. All I can tell her is, “I don’t want this.”
She doesn’t respond, just silently cries.
I take a deep breath. “If you leave, I won’t chase you. I love you. Do you hear me? I said it, I’ll say it again, and I mean it. I know what I want,” I say, pointing at my chest. “I want you. All of you. The good, the bad, and anything else you’ve got.”
She’s shaking now. I want to console her, but I can’t. I can’t make her want me back.
I fight back my own tears. “But I won’t chase you,” I say quietly.
