Page 61 of Falling Inn Love
“How did you get so wise?” It’s hard to imagine I wasn’t much older than Mellie is now when I lost everything in the blink of an eye.
“People tell me I’m an old soul.” She smiles, but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. There’s pain there, too.
“But that’s not really it,” she tells me. “I carry my own trauma. And you know who also carries it with me? Evan. He’s the only one who knows the truth about where Kase and I are from, and he’s kept our secret. People are stronger than you think, Beth. It’s not fair to judge other people’s strengths or what other people can handle or not.”
“He told me he loves me.”
“And what did you say?” she hedges.
“I told him I’m not sure I can love him back.”
“But it seems like youdolove him,” she says.
I nod and a tear slides down my cheek as I take another sip of my tea. We hear someone coming up the stairs quietly and Mellie stiffens and relaxes when we hear Evan’s deep voice. “It’s just me. I’m looking for Beth.”
Mellie leans in and whispers. “I think things are going to be okay, Beth. Let him in. Tell him.”
I nod and set my tea down.
Evan comes into the living room and I stand to greet him. He leans over me and kisses my cheek before pulling me in for a hug. I lean into him and my eyes fill with tears.
Mellie takes our mugs to the kitchen. “I think you have a lot to talk about,” she tells us.
I thank Mellie with a quick hug, then Evan and I quietly tiptoe down the stairs so we don’t wake Kase. We head to the firepit area, where no one else is around. He stokes a fire and we sit in a swinging chair together.
“I know I need to tell you more of my story, but I don’t even know where to begin…” I take a deep breath. I know it’s time to tell him, but am I ready for him to know everything?
“My mom died when I was six. I never knew my dad. We were poor, and she never went to the doctor for herself. It was like she was so busy taking care of me that she didn’t take care of herself. I felt like if she had taken care of herself more instead of only worrying about me, maybe they would have caught the cancer earlier and she wouldn’t have died.”
“Oh, Beth, I’m so sorry.” He pulls me close to him.
“She didn’t have a plan for me, and I ended up in foster care, always bouncing around various homes. I was the smelly kid at school who didn’t have money to wash my clothes, or even shower sometimes.”
My chest burns with the memory of an early morning in the bathroom at school. “One morning at school, I was trying to wash my clothes in the sink when this girl comes in and tells me she has something for me. I was skeptical, because most kids just bullied me, but she handed me a Target bag with clothes, underwear, and socks. All clean.”
“That was Cara?” he asks.
I nod. “That one act of kindness changed my life. She became my best friend that day. She protected me from bullies and invited me to her house often. Her parents were always so kind to me. When I aged out of the system when I was eighteen, Cara’s family took me in. That’s when I finally got to feel what it was like to have stability in my life. I got to live with my best friend, I had food every day, clean clothes to wear, and I got to finish high school.
“Cara’s family taught me what having a family was truly like, what growing up was supposed to be like. Not being passed around in a broken system with social workers forgetting about me and misplacing me, but actually feeling cared about. So I finished school, saved for college, and got my degree in elementary education because I wanted to help children.”
Evan’s eyes are locked on mine. He doesn’t look at me with pity, just attentiveness and pure love, making me feel safe to continue.
“That’s where I met my husband.”
“John,” he says, softly.
I nod. “He was also going to school for teaching. He loved football and coaching, and in Texas, high school football is like a religion. He had some great coaches growing up, and it inspired him to become both a coach and teacher.”
“It sounds like he was a really good guy.”
“He was. The best.” The words catch in my throat as a tide of painful memories begin to roll through me. At this point, I don’t feel like I can stop until it’s all out of me.
I take a deep breath and look at Evan. It’s so strange to be talking intimately about John to another man, but I know I love Evan. I love him differently than I loved John, and I think that is what makes me feel guilty. John and I both wanted to create the family that neither of us had growing up. We needed each other.
“We had our ups and downs, but we were happy. Broke newlyweds figuring out new careers and our new marriage. Then I got pregnant.”
Evan gently rubs my back. I can see his eyes grow softer with the mention of my pregnancy. His eyes fill with questions and concern.
