Page 6 of Falling Inn Love
I freezeas I open my eyes. For a minute, I forget where I am, but I’m thankful to not be sleeping in my car. It’s been getting colder. Lying in this big four-poster antique bed with crisp white linens and a soft navy duvet feels so warm and cozy. I’ll take this any day over a sleeping bag in my backseat,wondering if where I’ve stopped is safe.
I sit up and stretch, looking around the room. If I can work here for a while for free room and board until I can figure out my next move and my next book, maybe things will work out for me.
My phone buzzes. It’s my agent Logan, who is also my best friend. “I hope you have some good news for me,” I tell him. “I could really use some good news right now.”
“I wish I did. I’m sorry. I talked with the publishers again. They just aren’t interested in pursuing a contract with you if you aren’t willing to put yourself out there more.”
“I’ve poured myself into my writing. You said it was good.”
“It’s not your writing. Your manuscripts are amazing. But you being a recluse means the deal’s dead in the water.” He pauses and sighs. “I’m sorry. I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear.”
I bite my lip and look out at the white-capped mountain in the distance. I think about what he’s asking of me, but it just feels so damn heavy. I don’t want to be a public figure and I don’t want to share my pain with the world. Hell no. If I share myself, people will find out what happened to me. I just can’t relive all of that.
“Where are you right now? You know you can come stay with me in Boston for as long as you need.”
I take a deep breath and sigh. “I’m in Freedom Valley, New Hampshire. My car broke down last night and I’m staying at an inn here. The owners said I could work for room and board until I figure out my next move.”
“Work doing what?” he asks. There’s a protective tone in his voice.
“Front desk manager and helping in the dining room.”
“That actually might not be a bad idea. You’re not too far from me; I can come up and see you. Why don’t you just relax for a while and see how you feel about this in another week or so?If you’re willing to be public, I’m confident I can get you a deal. You wouldn’t have to worry about income for a while, Beth. This could set you up and be a great move for you.”
I had a book deal and it brings in some royalties, but it hasn’t done as well as it could have if I had put myself out there more. I know it and he knows it. It makes sense.
“That’s what I’m going to try.” I tuck my hair behind my ears. “I don’t know what else to do. I’m tired, Logan. I’m tired of being on the move all the time. I need to find somewhere to settle down so I can do what I love, which is write my books.”
“I know you’ve got some hard decisions to make, Beth, but I’m here for you. Cara, too.”
“I know, thank you. I need to call Cara and check in to let her know where I am. She worries when I don’t.”
Cara is my other friend. She and I went to high school together in Austin. I was a foster kid, in and out of over a dozen homes from the time I was six until I aged out of the system in October of my senior year of high school. Cara and her family took me in and let me live with them until I graduated high school. We’ve been through a lot. Cara, her family, and Logan are all I have now.
“So, what’s the inn like?” he asks, knowing he’s made his point and changing the subject.
“It’s really beautiful. The fact that they’re willing to put me up in exchange for work is a miracle. I’m pretty sure they feel sorry for me. Heck, I feel sorry for myself. I’m a freaking trainwreck right now.”
I used to be organized. I was a teacher and managed twenty-five kindergarteners every day. I had a family. I was never well-off, but I had money for groceries and a comfortable home. This is not how my life was supposed to be.
“How did I get here, Logan?” I wonder out loud.
“You’ve been through some hard stuff. Some serious, bad stuff. And you haven’t ever taken the time to properly grieve and process. You need to stop running and deal with everything so you can move on. And I know that has to be so hard for you, but you have to do it.”
“I can’t just forget, Logan,” I whisper.
“Yeah, but you can’t keep punishing yourself for living either,” he says quietly. “I love you, Beth. You know that. Whenever you’re ready to deal with this, I am here. Cara is here. You have us. Always.”
“I know. Thank you. I’m trying. I know I need that book deal. I’ll think about it. Right now, I’m just not ready.”
One thing about staying somewhere new and having the distraction of a new job is that I can think about what I want and where I’m going and figure out a plan from there. This can’t be it for me. I need to find happiness again, and this might be the place that gives me a break to figure out how to get back to that. I can work, hike, get inspired, and find a new path.
I pause for a moment before adding, “But no promises.”
“I’ll come up and see you in a few weeks. I have some time off coming up and New Hampshire in the fall sounds like a nice way to spend it. Now you have me curious about this inn.”
“That sounds good. In the meantime, I’m going to keep working on this book. Whether a publisher buys it or not, I’ll keep writing. Thanks, Logan.”
“Sounds good. Talk soon, B,” he says then hangs up.
