Page 38 of Falling Inn Love
“You’re the one that claims you want to keep me, and you just met me.”
“Hey, the heart knows what it wants. Just like chocolate milkshakes.”
We enter the restaurant and order quickly, both of us knowing exactly what we want.
“Thank you,” I say to our server when she sets down our shakes and fries. We couldn’t decide what dipping sauces to get so she brought them all.
“This is going to be great,” he says, digging in. “Okay, we should get to know each other better, so…” he begins as he drags a fry through the garlic aioli sauce.
“Where did you go to college and what was your degree in?”
“Texas State University, elementary education.” I take a sip of my milkshake and Evan’s eyes never leave my straw. He shakes his head as if to knock himself out of a trance.
Now it’s my turn. “What about you? Did you go to college?”
“I took some business classes at night when I was stationed in California, but it was hard to attend regularly around my deployments. The plan was always to finish my tour in the Marines, then get out and get my degree, then eventually help my dad. My taking over just happened sooner than any of us expected.”
“So you always knew you’d take over the inn someday?”
“Yeah, I always pictured having my own family there. Eventually.”
Panic engulfs me and I push it down. Each time this topic gets brought up with us, I can’t help but question if I could even try to have a family again. Deep down, I want that more than anything; I just don’t know if it’s possible for me.
“Are you nervous about the transplant?” I ask, not able to meet his eyes.
“I’m worried about Caleb. He’s so little. If we lose him… I don’t even know what we would do. I can’t imagine losing him.”
My eyes fill with tears. Losing a child is devastating. I want to tell him how well I know that feeling, but I can’t. I just can’t talk about it yet. I feel like if I try, I might start crying and never stop and that would just be embarrassing.
Evan stares at me steadily and says, “Well, sometimes you need to reshuffle the deck. Sometimes we get dealt a hand that’s a hard one. We keep playing at this game of life until the game gets better.”
“But what if the game gets too hard to shuffle the cards?”
“Then I’ll shuffle them for you.” He brushes his hand across my cheek. “You don’t have to play Solitaire anymore, Beth. You’re not built for a solo game, and I think you know that.”
I have been playing Solitaire. He’s right. Living a life on the move from one town to the next, each one as lonely as the one before. Hiding behind writing, shutting out the world, and hiding from my grief. But now, somehow, things seem different.
“I don’t know what I want anymore,” I tell him. And it’s true, I don’tknowwhat I want, but I know what IthinkI want.
I think I need time. I need time to work through the grief that I have worked so hard to hide. It’s been exhausting and I’m so tired of fighting life.
We finish and I start to feel tired. I yawn and cover my mouth.
“Want to go home?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“Come on, let’s get out of here.” He pulls out his wallet and places cash down on the table.
We drive the rest of the way home holding hands and I lean into him. I sneak glances over at him like I still can’t believe he wants me.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
“I like you. I like helping you and your family. I’m happy here. It feels good.”
“I like you, too.” He squeezes my hand tighter as he drives.
It’s easy for me to forget that this is his inn, not mine. That I’m an outsider. Although he and Margie and the staff never make me feel that way. They make me feel accepted and loved in a way I haven’t felt in so long.
