Page 34 of Falling Inn Love
“His name is Evan, and I really like him. He likes me. But I don’t know…”
“Well, what don’t you know? He’s a grown-up and you’re a grown-up. You like each other. You’re both single. What’s the problem?”
“I feel like I’m letting John down. I know it’s crazy. It’s been six years, and I know I should have it together by now. But I don’t. I can’t.”
“Beth, you’re not letting John down. He loved you so much, with all his heart, but he wouldn’t want you to be living like this. You’ve been through so much. Steve and I have been so worried about you. I wish you’d come back to Austin and stay with us. The twins miss you, too.”
The thought of going back to Austin makes me feel nauseous. There’s too many memories there. And that’s exactly what I keep running from, the memories.
“I can’t.” All at once, a flood of memories pours into my mind. Visions of backyard barbeques and weekend game nights. Too many ghosts, too much pain.
“Okay, I understand,” she says.
Cara and I have always had the type of friendship where time can pass by and we can pick back up right where we left off, no problem. She understands my pain. Hell, she lived through it with me. She hurt, too.
“But you asked my advice, so I’m going to give it to you. I think you should see where it goes with Evan. You deserve this, Beth. You loved having a family and you were an amazing wife and m—”
“Cara, don’t say it.”
“I know, Beth. I’m sorry. But you have to live. You can’t keep running from your pain and burying it under work.”
I realize she’s making a good point. I wonder if I did the right thing running away from Austin and all the memories, if I wasted six years of my life avoiding rather than healing.
“You did things differently, sure. I know this is hard to hear, but I think it’s time to find a new normal and a new you. You’re not the same Beth anymore, and that’s okay, but it’s time to decide who you want to be. And if you want to be that someone with Evan, then I think that’s awesome.”
I think of Evan and how safe and happy I feel with him. I think of the off-the-charts chemistry I feel when I’m with him. I think about how excited I am to see him every day. I think about how sad he would be if I did leave. I should at least try. Not just for me, but for him. For us.
“Okay, I’ll give it a shot. I miss you guys. Maybe I’ll think about coming back for a visit.”
“You know you’re welcome anytime. You’re family, Beth.”
FIFTEEN
EVAN
Sixty days.
* * *
I get up early for my run and think about my hike with Beth yesterday.
It seems like she’s opening up more and more, and I want to believe that we’ve really turned a corner. She’s been hiding so much pain behind those walls of hers, and now that she’s finally started to let them down for me, of course I can understand why she’s been so guarded. But where do we go from here?
It seems important that I make her feel safe and secure that I would never leave her. I know her husband didn’t leave her on purpose. Her mother didn’t leave her on purpose. But how can I get her to trust me?
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out to see it’s Allie calling.
“Hey,” I gasp.
“What are you doing? Why are you out of breath? Wait, maybe I don’t want to know.” She snorts.
“I’m finishing my run, dumbass. What about you guys? How’s Caleb?”
“He’s sleeping,” she says softly. “I’m so worried about him.”
“I know, we all are. Mom will be there tonight. And this morning I have an appointment to get tested.”
“Thank you, Evan. I don’t know how I can ever repay you…” She starts to cry.
