Page 68 of Falling Inn Love
I drive by the old school where I taught and think of my students, how they’d be in fifth grade now. I think of my own little girl and what class she’d be in. We could have gone to school together and I would have been home with her on all our school breaks.
I remember John and I dreaming about taking an old school bus and turning it into a travel bus, spending our summer breaks traveling all over the U.S. exploring. I dreamed of a sticker map that we’d fill it with all of the states we’d visit and the memories we’d make with our kids. All memories that would never be.
I drive by the high school football field where I watched John coach countless games. He loved those kids so much, and they loved him. So many people lost out the day that drunk driver killed my family and herself. We’ll never know how many lives he would have impacted as a coach, teacher, father, husband, and friend.
Finally, I head to the storage unit where everything’s packed away. I take a deep breath before lifting the door. I stand back and take it all in, the unit full of furniture and boxes of memories that I have to sift through and take care of.
Bags and bags and bags of clothes. Bins full of holiday decor I lovingly decorated our home with.
Many people mistakenly thought I won a big settlement from the driver. But she was a repeat offender and she only had crappy, bare bones coverage because of her previous violations. She had no assets, no home, nothing. I got a $50,000 payout, of which the lawyer took 33.3 percent. What was left didn’t even cover the funerals. I wiped out our savings to give them both proper burials and managed to walk away with $9,000 worth of debt that took me years to pay off.
I realize I don’t want anything in the storage unit. Not now. I know that coming to acknowledge the stuff here was a step in the right direction, but I can’t do this today.
I grab a coffee and head back to the cemetery. I need to talk to my husband. I need to tell him about the man I love, even if he probably doesn’t love me back anymore.
TWENTY-SIX
EVAN
She’s lost. And you need to go find her.
* * *
I bang the drawer of the cash register shut. I’m still angry—I’ve been angry since she left—and it’s showing. I’m short with guests, I sleep every chance I get, and I don’t feel like doing anything but brooding and getting pissed at everyone.
Really, I’m pissed at myself, but no one needs to know that. My mom is flying back from San Diego tonight, so she’ll probably know it, but she’s also probably going to be pissed herself that Beth isn’t here and she didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.
Pete enters the front room then looks around for guests before hissing at me. “Enough. You’re acting like a little asshole and we’re all sick of it.” He gives me a look that your CO gives you when he’s about to light you up. Pete never talks to me like this, nor has he ever looked at me like this, so I know what he is telling me must definitely be true.
“Come on, let’s go,” he says as he yanks open the front door and yells out, “Sash, I’ve got Evan for a while.”
She comes down the hall, drying her hands on a towel. “Thank God,” she states and glares at me, then heads back to the kitchen.
“Great,” I mumble as I grab my coat and follow Pete outside to his truck.
“Get in.”
I feel like I’m getting scolded by my dad. God, I miss him. I’d give anything for him to yell at me right now.
Pete grumbles something incoherent as he starts driving.
“Where are we going?” I ask him.
“We’re driving. I’ve been told not to bring you back until I talk some sense into you.”
I hang my head. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been angry.”
I can’t help it. I feel so much despair. I miss her so much. I turn in the night to hold her and she’s not there. Even the puppies remind me of her. Everywhere I turn now, there are reminders of her. Nothing is the same without her.
“You’ve been downright awful,” Pete tells me. “And you want to know the worst part?”
I just look at him because I know what’s coming.
“You did this,” he says simply. “You.”
Okay, that wasn’t what I expected. “Me? I didn’t freaking leave, Pete. She left! She doesn’t want me. She made her choice.”
“Do you really think that woman is capable of making a rational choice right now, with everything she’s been through? She’s lost, and you need to go find her.”
