Page 31 of Adoringly, Edward
“Hmm,” she said slowly, leaning back and gazing up at the stars to avoid looking at him. “You are twenty-three, no?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Almost twenty-four.”
A pause. “Yes.”
Despite his obvious reluctance to want to speak about this, she barreled through while feigning ignorance of his discomfort. “I suppose Edilann law states you must be married by the time you turn twenty-four as a titled lord. Where are you hiding the women lining up at your door?”
But rather than earning a chuckle at her jest, he remained quiet.
She lowered her gaze to find him staring out over the dark waters of the lake, a troubled expression on his face. He’dstopped rowing, the boat now floating aimlessly in the middle of the body of water.
“I’ve never thought much about marriage,” he finally answered. “It has always seemed like…like a distant dream I could never reach.”
She furrowed her eyebrows. “Why? You are plenty handsome enough, if that’s your worry.”
This time, her words inspired a chuckle and a cheeky look. She much preferred seeing a smile on his face than a frown.
“There are no women lining up at my door.” He shook his head and leaned an arm against the side of the vessel. “I have not been able to attend many outings, and therefore, I am simply a name rather than a face to most people in our circle.”
Her face twisted into skepticism. “There are no women you are interested in, then? None at all?”
Oh, how she wanted to kick herself for sounding so…desperate. For being too involved. And perhaps a little too obvious. But tonight might very well be her last night to reel him in. And after her departure? Well, she wasn’t sure how to woo him nor court him if he was an unwilling participant in society.
“It doesn’t matter,” he murmured before he closed off even further, shrinking back in his seat.
She tightened her fists in her lap, terror building up within her. Because she knew what she must do, what she must say. Thetruthshe must speak. If he were to reject her, then he must do so knowing he was also rejecting their child.
“There is something I need to tell you.” She braved lifting her head to meet his eye. “At the masquerade. When we… Well, when things went a little too far between us…”
“Forgive me,” he interrupted, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning close enough for her to see the distress in his eyes. “I was not thinking clearly. I did not realize what damage I could do to your reputation. And when I learned who you really were,I was in a panic. I did not react as well as I should have, and for that, I am sorry.”
“You were cold to me.”
Edward released a long sigh and nodded. “I know.”
“Did you not intend to find me?” A bubble of hysterics rose in her throat. Or perhaps it was bile, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was she was nauseous and terrified and uncertain. “I searched for you for weeks, Edward. I attended every social gathering possible, but I was convinced you made empty promises and abandoned me, telling me lies and running away. You seemed interested in me then. What was it that changed your mind?”
“You think I abandoned you?” he argued back. “I was bedridden for two weeks after the masquerade. I’ve been…sick. And every time I tried to leave the house, Clara prevented me from going. Why do you think I organized the ball behind my sister’s back?” He gestured to her. “It was to lure you in, because I didn’t know how else to find you.”
“And how well did that work out for you, Edward? Hmm? When you were disappointed to learn of the identity behind the mask?”
“Disappointed?” He threw his hands up in the air, losing control of his careful emotions. “My best friend I’ve ever had was behind that mask. Imagine myhorrorwhen I realized I might have ruined her life.” His voice cracked, and her heart cracked along with it. “My only disappointment has been that you stopped visiting me after my parents died. I have other friends, but it’s not the same as the connection I shared with you.”
“My parents’ reason for visiting was gone. What could I have done? I was just a child then.”
“And so was I.”
“Confound it, Edward! I love you!”
At the unexpected declaration from her mouth, he burst into tears, shaking his head as he covered his face with his hands. “You cannot love me. Do not do this. I beg you.” He continued to sob, a distressing, heartbroken sound. “I beg you, Vivi.”
Vivienne sat back in her seat, holding her hands tight against her heart as it began to shatter. But no matter how hard she tried to hold in the broken pieces, they slipped between her fingers and scattered to the bottom of the lake.
She had her answer.
And now she realized it was in her best interest to not tell him about the baby. No one could know the truth, not even him, when she must pretend the baby belonged to another man.
