Page 15 of Adoringly, Edward
Barnaby squeezed his shoulder. “Breathe, Edward. You threw this ball to find her. And now you have.”
“But I never realized…I didn’t…” He struggled for air, but he fought through the episode lying in wait with clawed fingers.
By the bellows of autumntide, he’d made a mistake. All he’d wanted was to be free for a single night. To be better. Stronger. He’d fallen for Vivienne rather quickly, easily taken by her humor and her wit, her adventurous spirit. One thing had happened after another, and now the real world had caught up to him.
Vivienne Winfield was the last person he should have ever dallied with. Why did he have to pick up her shoe?
“What do I do?” he breathed, slowly losing capacity in his lungs to draw in air. He fought through it.
Emmaline, Charles’ wife, answered this time, a performer who had the most beautiful singing voice. “Perhaps you ought to make it right with her. Whatever that looks like.”
Braving the fear running rampant through his body, he lifted his head and searched the ballroom for Vivienne. He foundher on the opposite side of the room with her mother, fawned over by men and women alike. The beautiful woman laughed at something the duke said and batted her eyes at the man.
A pit of jealousy grew in his chest, starting as a small pebble and enlarging to the size of a boulder. The duke was twice her age, but he had already lost two wives and had yet to have an heir. He was likely looking for a new wife.
Edward hadn’t realized he’d started stalking toward them until he’d taken several steps away from his friends. But then the feeling of wrongness smashed into him with a vengeance. Air struggled in and out of his lungs. His legs became weak.
Within moments, Cedric grabbed Edward’s arm and draped it around his shoulders, pulling him swiftly out of the room until they were out of sight. He lowered him onto a cushioned bench beside large glass windows overlooking the expansive lawn below.
Edward placed one hand over his racing heart, and the other pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off the growing ache. With controlled breaths, he took each inhale and exhale slowly until his pulse slowed and his lungs ceased spasming.
He sighed as he rested his head on the glass and closed his eyes, both hating and appreciating the silence in the hallway.
Silence…
It was a constant, lonely companion. Was he destined to live out the rest of his days as a bachelor? No woman would look twice at him if they learned of the truth.
Including Vivienne.
Perhaps he should let the duke snatch her from beneath his nose.
“Am I destined to die like this?” Edward mumbled miserably to the reflection of Cedric through the glass.
Cedric tipped his head to the side and gave him a sympathetic smile. “The doctor said you wouldn’t live past yourfifth birthday. I think you have many years left tolive. It is your choice how those years are lived.”
“Is it, though?”
The servant remained silent. No, not a servant. Hisfriend. Barnaby, Tobie, and Charles were his friends. However, they knew very little of the burdens he shouldered. But Cedric? He was there for him every day to help him when in need. He understood him, at least to some degree. Perhaps Edward would have died long ago without Cedric’s care and attention. And though their relationship was…somewhere between servant and friend, he’d never been closer to anyone.
Except Vivienne…
He released a long breath and stared out the window at the peaceful pines surrounding his property. Those years of his childhood were some of his most treasured memories. He’d been struggling at the time with his health. And Vivienne? Although several years younger than him, she’d brought back the light, the life, and the laughter into an otherwise dreary world.
A faint smile lifted on his lips as he recalled all the trees they’d climbed together. Or on more difficult health days, they’d fished out on the lake behind the estate. They’d gone on adventures through the forest, collecting pine needles and leaves to make bird nests or stealing trowels from the shed and digging as deep as they dared in search of the other side of the world.
How many times had they snuck pastries from the kitchen? He remembered taking those pastries and holing up in the attic, drawing the entirety of their imaginations on parchment and hanging them about the walls.
They’d gone on countless adventures. And it had broken his heart and soul when his parents had died on their voyage and Vivienne had stopped coming to his home.
At the masquerade, he hadn’t recognized her, as Vivienne Winfield had been a child in his mind at the time. But she wasa beautiful, spirited young woman now with long, luscious hair and the most flattering curves…
He ran a hand over his mouth as he reminded himself how they’d made love in a vacant carriage. His childhood friend. The king’s niece. The warlord’s daughter.
I’m a dead man.
“Will you be returning to the party, milord?” Cedric asked, hands held behind his back as he awaited his answer.
And run away with my tail between my legs?
