Page 69 of Scarlett and the Big Bad Billionaire
He nodded. “In my judgement. For a while after that, I thought my gut was an idiot or a liar.”
Gray swallowed hard, finally meeting my eyes again. He rolled to his side, facing me and softly brushing my hair back from my face with one hand.
“But it was right aboutyou. I know that now. I made a mistake, Scarlett, not tracking you down years ago. I wish I had. I wish I’d found you sooner.”
“I don’t.”
His head jerked back. Clearly, I’d surprised him. “You don’t?”
“No.”
Now it was my turn to be honest. Gray had been brave enough to tell me about his painful experiences, and he deserved openness from me in return.
“If you’d found me sooner—if youhadreached out, there wouldn’t have been anything worth finding. I was a mess.”
“Well, you were alittlebit of a mess when I met you in Greece.” He held up one hand with his thumb and first finger a couple inches apart.
I laughed. “Tell me about it. It got worse, believe it or not. I told you my dad was a SEAL?”
“Yeah, which is why you hated me on sight.”
“I didnothate you. I was scared of you. Because you were so attractive, and I didn’t want to be attracted to a SEAL.”
“I remember. It must have been pretty bad at home to leave you with such an aversion to all military guys.”
“It was. My dad was apparently a great guy once upon a time—at least according to what Vivi has told me about him and what my mom says about when they were first married. But he had CTE from his time in the service. It was so bad he had to retire early. When he came home, he had a lot of mood swings and depression. The memory problems were really bad, and that made him frustrated and angry.”
“Was he ever violent?”
“Sometimes, when he was really disoriented and agitated. He didn’t hit us, but he scared us by punching through walls, throwing things and breaking them. I know he didn’t want to hurt us. Finally, he just left. He died alone a couple years later. I think he felt like he was doing us a favor by leaving. Who knows? Maybe he was. All I remember is I felt like he’d deserted me. And then Bryce deserted me, which sort of ripped the scab off all the wounds Ithoughthad healed from my dad. I wasn’t in a good place for a long time after that.”
“I might have been able tohelpyou get to a good place,” Gray said. “I seemed to be able to take your mind off things a bit in Greece.”
I laughed at his naughty expression. “You didthatfor sure. But you can’t heal from emotional trauma if you’re hiding from your emotions. Which was what I was doing by spending time with you that week. And I kept doing that for a long time afterward.”
“What does that mean exactly? Did you go around sleeping with every promotional condom salesman you met?”
He sounded jealous.
“No, actually, I did the opposite,” I told him. “I haven’t slept with anyone since then.”
His eyes went wide. “Really?”
I nodded. “Really. That week showed me I was no good at casual sex.”
“Actually, you were amazing at it.” He stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers.
I flicked them away. “You know what I mean. After spending the week with you, I realized sex meanttoomuch to me. I got so attached to you—it took me forever to get over you. Your memory haunted me. It was unnatural.”
Gray’s eyes softened. “It’s the most natural thing in the world to feel attached—that’s what sex is for. It’s supposed to bond you—when you’re doing it right. And for the record, itdidn’ttake a long time for me to get over you.”
“It didn’t?” Generally I appreciated honesty, but I sort of felt like I’d been slapped.
“No. I never got over you, Scarlett,” he said. “I don’t think I ever will.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
BETTER THAN ANYTHING
