Page 60 of See You Next Winter
“Oh.”
Oh? Who says ‘oh’? Does he not think I’m kissable?
“That surprises you?”
“Yeah. No, I mean, I was only asking. What was it like?”
“It was awful.” I give him the briefest of details. I’m sure Ryan doesn’t really care to know he bumped my teeth with his, shoved his tongue in my mouth, then bolted before I had the chance to kiss him back.
Opportunities for kissing boys are slim when you go to an all girl’s school, but at Sophie Mulligan’s birthday, her brother invited some friends, and I saw my chance and took it. I don’t exactly regret it, but I don’t think it should count as a first kiss at all, actually. It was brief, horrid, and revoltingly wet. I didn’t even know his name.
I’d hoped for a fairytale movie star kiss. Doesn’t every girl deserve that? If not for her first kiss, then at least once in her life. I want to be kissed so hard it makes my toes curl, by someone who knows what they’re doing, and who makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world.
I want to be kissed by Ryan.
“Why do you ask?”
He looks down and knocks the tips of his skis together. “No reason.”
Yeah right.He's a terrible liar.
“Haveyouever kissed someone?”
“Not yet,” he mumbles.
The chairlift carries us out of the wind and for a moment there is perfect silence. Ryan tips his head back and groans. A perfect cloud of hot breath fills the cold air above him. I want to reach out and grab it and shove it in my mouth.
“You know what, though? I’ve never kissed someone at the top of a mountain. You want to bethatfirst?”
“Sure.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, but the pink in his cheeks stays for the rest of the trip.
Chapter 46
Ryan
Of course our happinesscan’t last.
Kayla is gone when I wake up the next morning, and I find her sitting on the floor at the far end of the first-floor balcony, her knees pulled to her chest. I drop into the space next to her and quickly learn there isn’t enough room for us both between the wall and the outdoor armchair.
“You're squishing me,” she says, shoving me away. I shift round to sit facing her instead, trapping her knees between mine.
“I’m sorry. I want to soak up every minute.”
“You only need to do that because you know you're leaving, so every minute feels like it’s slipping away. It hurts.”
What hurts is us doing this dance again. I’m so fucking over it. Living apart sucks, but this week has been incredible, and it’s only proved to me how much we are supposed to be together.
I don’t know how we make it happen, but I know we’re not going back to being just friends, and I won’t let her push me away again.
“I can’t lose you,” I whisper, cupping the backs of her calves and smoothing my thumbs up and down her soft skin.
“I’m not yours to lose.”
“Well, I’m yours, Bunny.”
Kayla finally looks at me, her head tipped to one side. She pulls her lips behind her teeth and shakes her headever so slowly.
“Why won’t you give us a chance?” I ask.
