Page 59 of See You Next Winter
“I’d never really thought about it. I imagine it’ll go to me and Hannah, and unless it’s a money pit, I can’t see why we wouldn’t keep it. What about you? Would you sell your chalet?”
“Never,” I tell him. “I’d keep hold of it for as long as I could. My dad loved holidays here when he was a kid. My grandmother would hate to see it sold. She wanted me to keep coming for as long as possible, to bring my own kids someday. Teach them to ski the same slopes she did.”
Ryan scoots closer and puts his arm around my shoulder. “Is that what you want?”
Yes. No. Maybe. How am I supposed to know?
“Do you ever wish we'd met under different circumstances?” I ask. I don’t know why I’m entertaining these thoughts, but they keep getting the better of me.
“What do you mean?”
“Like if we met in a bar or something. If you’d asked me out, and we went to dinner, made out on a doorstep somewhere. If we didn’t have so much complicated history?”
He takes a bite of his sandwich and chews slowly, like it pains him to get through it.
“I don’t think so. No.”
“No? What if we’d met at university somewhere? We might have hated each other. Or maybe we would...”
I can’t finish the sentence, it gets stuck behind the lump in my throat. Ryan sets his lunchbox down and pulls me into his lap. I go easily though I know it’s a bad idea. This is my fault for getting deep and meaningful. I should have kept it light and safe. Talked about the clouds, even though there are none.
“Look at me,” he says, cupping my face between his hands. “Do I wish our circumstances were different now? Sure, absolutely I do. But I wouldn't swap the lifetime of memories we've made for anything. And we have a lot more to make.”
Tears threaten to spill when I sense what’s coming, and I shake my head to get rid of them. “No.”
“Yes, Kayla,” he smiles. “Nobody else is ever coming close to you. I love you. You’re it. North star.”
My eyes prick with tears, and a memory from last night pushes to the forefront. “You’re only saying that because Isaid—”
“Nope,” he says, cutting me off with a kiss. “I’m saying it because I love you, and now I have said it, I don’t know why I’ve waited so long.”
He tips his head back and yells at the big, blue sky above us.
“I love Kayla McInnes!”
He presses his hand to his heart, and instinctively, I do the same. Except while he’s celebrating, I’m trying my best to hold mine in.
Chapter 45
Kayla
Thirteen Winters Ago / Age Fifteen
Ryan pulls down thesafety bar on the last chairlift of the day. This year we're trying to catch the last lift to the top of the mountain every day, then ski all the way back down for steaming mugs ofchocolat chaudand saltyfrites.
“Vite, vite!” the lift-operators call out every time, hurrying us when we barrel through the gates as they’re trying to close. I know we’ll miss it eventually, but for now it’s a rush every time. That’s us, two adrenaline junkies. We’re always chasing the next thrill and have been since we were old enough to ski.
“Can I ask you a question?” he says, coughing to clear his throat.
I angle my body towards him. “Of course, always.”
He sucks in a deep breath and blurts out his question. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”
His expression is hidden behind his goggles, and I’m glad he can’t see mine because my eyes are wide and full of panic. I was not expecting him to ask me that.
We almost never talk about our lives back home on these trips to the mountains. They’ve always been our chance to escape to a place full of magic and wonder, but Ryan has been quieter than usual all afternoon. I wonder how long he’s been waiting to ask me.
“Yeah, I have.” I wish it wasn’t my answer, but I’d never lie to him.
