Page 94 of The Worst Guy Ever
“And she thought a man would be the solution, so there were a lot of new boyfriends. They always seemed nice at first, but eventually they’d show their true colours. They’d be resentful of us kids, or they’d shout at us. Mum would usually take their side over ours. Every few years there was a good one, and somehow that would be even worse.”
“Why was it worse?”
She makes a pained noise and covers it with a half-hearted laugh. “Because they were nice to us, treated us well, but eventually they’d leave too.”
“I’m so sorry, Hattie.” She drops her head to my shoulder and I stroke up and down her back.
“I bet your therapist would have a lot to say about that. Probably explains the ice queen act.”
“I should never have said that.”
“It’s fine, I know I’m rotten inside. After watching Mum let those men treat her like crap, I swore I’d never let it happen to me. But…” she laughs softly against my chest. “Unfortunately, I really like sex too. And you’re right, I push people away. Men can’t leave you if you leave them first.”
It breaks my heart to hear her speak about herself that way. Not one person ever took the time to show her how much she’s worth. How brilliant, and beautiful, and capable she is. And now she thinks she’s rotten? Fuck that. I’d spend every single day showing her just how special she is if she let me have even half a chance.
“I wouldn’t—”
“Please don’t, Rob,” she presses her fingers to my lips and shakes her head. “Don’t say it. I’m glad you’re getting help. But I’m never going to be any other way, so it’s over.”
“What are you saying?”
“We have to stop this. The fuck buddies thing. You deserve to get to a good place, meet someone who’s also good, and have a happy life. You’ll never get that from me, and I really need to focus on getting this promotion. Can we go back to being just friends?”
If I thought my heart was breaking fifteen seconds ago, it’s smashed to pieces now.
“I don’t know if I can. We’ve never been just friends. We blew straight past friends and I don’t know how to bejustanything with you.”
She climbs out of my lap and shifts further along the sofa. “So what is this, some sort of ultimatum? Keep hooking up or nothing? That’s pretty manipulative.”
“Hey, look at me,” I lean in and cup her chin, forcing her to hear what I have to say. “I don’t want to stop any of this. And deep down, I don’t think you do either. But I don’t want to lose you, so if you really want to end this, then I’ll give friends a shot. I just think I’ll need some time to adjust because this hurts like hell for me.”
It’s not the outcome we hoped for, but I know Paula will be pleased with me expressing my needs.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers and sniffs, blinking away tears. I can’t see Hattie cry right now, not when I feel like bursting into tears myself.
“Hey,” I nudge her leg with my knee and raise my glass. “To shitty dads.”
“Never. They don’t deserve our toast.”
“Then to friendship. To us.”
“To us.”
We clink our glasses together, our eyes locked as we drink, her version of‘us’feeling so far from mine.
Chapter 38
Hattie
It’sbeenyearssinceI interviewed for a new role, and I’d forgotten how much they feel like an interrogation.
If Andrew was on the panel, I’d feel more at ease, but this role isn’t his to manage, so I’ve got to make do with Bob, Michelle from HR, and an external consultant I’ve never laid eyes on before.
I’ve already run through my fifteen minute presentation on what the next six to twelve months would look like under my leadership, and now I’m being grilled with the usual boring questions I’ve rehearsed night after night for the past two weeks.
“How do you manage conflict in the workplace?”Fuck you Bob, you spineless prick,is what I really want to say. I hope he doesn’t think I’ve forgotten his role in the Spirited shitshow.
“I think healthy conflict is essential in the workplace. It’s vital that executive decisions take multiple opinions into perspective. If everyone is unanimous in their agreement, then in my experience, it means someone’s not saying how they really feel, and those views can bring major stumbling blocks if raised further down the line.”
