Page 30 of The Worst Guy Ever
Hattie has no time for my epiphanies. “You’re deluded too, Rob. You think I’ll fuck anyone with a penis, but I do actually have some self-respect, you know? Why would I ever want to get with someone who treated me like a piece of meat from the moment he laid eyes on me?”
“Give me a break. You’re not telling me you actually want people to get to know you first? That’s bullshit too. And I’m not having that double standard either. You only want guys for one thing. I doubt you wine and dine them and ask for all their childhood stories before getting into bed.”
“You’re such an arrogant wanker.”
“And you’re an insufferable bitch.”
“Wow,” she rears back, her voice raised. “Don’t hold back Rob, tell me what you really think.”
“What I really think is that you’re a scared little girl. You think you have to do everything yourself, nobody is ever good enough for you, and so you push everyone away before they’d even have a chance to get close to you.”
Hattie’s bottom lip wobbles.What am I doing? Where is this coming from?
“I hate you.”
“Not as much as you hate yourself.”
“Fuck this. I didn’t come here for your psychoanalysis bollocks.” I’m still rubbing my crotch when she stands up, throws cash from her purse onto the table, and leaves.
That was not how I meant for our conversation to go. I’m so ashamed of myself, of my words, that I think I’m going to be sick. I’ve been pacing the house for hours, I bailed on five-a-side, and told Mum and Auntie Sheila I can’t make it tonight. I know I won’t be able to concentrate on anything until I’ve apologised to Hattie. I need to fix this, fast.
I could get her flat number from Kara, but turning up inside her building might earn me a restraining order. The only thing I can think of is to stake out the gym and hope she summoned the energy to go.
Hours pass in the car, but time means nothing to me right now. I watch cars come and go, people complete whole workouts and still no sign of her. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.
Finally, late in the afternoon, I spot her car pulling in and I wait until she’s parked before getting out to approach her.
“Hattie?” I call after her and she stops, looking even more exhausted than this morning. Her hair is scraped back into a tight ponytail, and her eyes are red and puffy. That’s my fault.
“What do you want?” She stares at the floor, scuffing her toes along the inside of her other shoe while I approach slowly.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” My instinct is to hug her, but I fight it. If there’s a way to make all of this even worse, I’m sure physical touch would be it. “What I said this morning was completely unacceptable. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I couldn’t finish today without apologising to you.”
“How long have you been waiting here?”
“A while. But I’d have stayed all night. I didn’t want to say it over text. And I really mean it. You’re not a bitch. You’re not insufferable. And you’re not wrong.” She’s still staring at the floor, so I inch forward, press two fingers underneath her chin and tilt her head to look at me. “I am pretty arrogant, and I do wank a lot.”
That earns me a tiny smile, and I fold it up in my mind to keep with the other ones I’ve managed to get out of her.
“It’s fine,” she says, her hand circling my wrist as she pulls it away. “I am a bitch. At least I am to you.”
“Hattie, I don’t know why we always end up fighting, but I promise I’m going to stop this. You won’t have any trouble from me again.” She doesn’t say anything, so I keep going. “I want to do a good job with this party, and I want to do that with you, without drama. I’ll stop with the teasing, and I hope we can get along. Not just because of Luke and Kara, because you seem like you could use a friend.”
“I’ve got friends,” she says, shrugging dismissively.
“OK. So maybe I need a friend then.” It slips out, a vulnerable admission. It’s more vulnerable than I’ve been with her before and I feel as though she’s peeled back my skin. “You should go enjoy your workout. I’m sure there’s a punchbag in there with my name on it.”
I turn to leave, but she calls after me. “Rob, wait. Are your balls OK?”
“I’ll survive.”
“I’m sorry too. And thank you. You won’t have any trouble from me either.”
It feels good to clear the air, but why do I feel like my trouble with Hattie is far from over?
Chapter 12
Hattie
