Page 97 of The Worst Guy Ever
Ten years. I’ve given nearly a third of my life to this place, my entire career, and Andrew has been there every step of the way. He looks so disappointed in me, and that’s the thing that hurts the most.
Wait.I get three months’ pay? Plus three paid gardening leave? That’s not nothing, that’s a fucking gift, even if gardening leave is basically code for‘get out of here before you can cause any more trouble’.
“Did you do this for me?” I ask.
“Yes,” he nods, softly. “I couldn’t let them just fire you, even though you probably deserved it with that little stunt.”
I huff out a relieved sigh and press my eyes together, stemming the flow of tears that are threatening to spill over any second now. “Thank you. Does everyone know I’m leaving?”
“No, we haven’t made an announcement yet. You can walk out with your head held high.”
I sit there, staring out of the window behind him. This is probably the longest we’ve ever been silent around each other. “What do I do now?”
“You clear your desk. You go home, and get some proper rest. And then you see where life takes you. I know you’ve been here a long time, Hattie, but this might be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
See where life takes you.Life has only ever taken me on the path I have pushed myself along, and lately it’s been more of a drag.
I stand to leave, smoothing down the fabric of my skirt which has bunched up. I hate these stupid skirts. I’m burning them when I get home. Wherever life takes me, I hope I never have to dress like this again. My hand is on the door handle when he stops me.
“Hattie. I’m sorry for how things have gone down here. And especially for any part I’ve played in that. You’re great at what you do, and I’ve always enjoyed working with you. If you need a reference in future, come to me personally. Don’t go through HR, OK, kid?”
There’s a pang in my chest and a lump in my throat. He hasn’t called me that in a long time, but for years Andrew has, without me even realising, been something of a father figure to me. He’s pushed me out of my comfort zone, encouraged me, and even though he’s called me out on a fair amount of shit, he’s always had my back. And despite the mess I’ve made, he still does.
“Thank you, Andrew. That really means a lot to me. I’m sorry I said you were bullshit. You’re really not.”
Back at my desk, I empty my things from my drawer into my bag and take a last look around the office floor. Other people’s desks are adorned with family photos, thriving succulents, and mountains of trinkets. They clutch hot coffees in mugs, matching their personalities as they catch up with each other after the weekend.
The most personal thing I have at my desk is lip-gloss, and an old book club book. The whole thing is clear in under two minutes, so I throw a stapler in there as a last fuck you. God knows what I think I’ll be stapling. Maybe I can use it to put my life back together now that I’ve fully torn it to pieces.Hahaha, I’m hilarious.No, that’s not actually funny, is it?
I should say goodbye to people, but I can’t bear a scene. I’ll email people from home when the shock has worn off, arrange some drinks or something. Nobody even bats an eyelid when I walk out of the office, at 9:15am, unemployed for the first time ever.
The train journey home is a blur, and only when I step off at my station do I realise I’ve no idea when I’ll be back in London again.
The house is too quiet when I let myself in. Even on my remote working days, it’s not like this. I have breakfast with Megs before she leaves for school, I keep the radio on when I’m not on calls, and meet Kara for lunch.
I don’t know what to do with myself, so I strip out of these awful clothes, throw on my favourite jean shorts and a hoodie and walk over to Sunshine.
“Hey,” Luke says with a smile when I get to the front of the queue. “I didn’t expect to see you today. What can I get you?”
“I need a coffee, a job, and the number for your therapist.”
My brilliant, kind-hearted friend has the decency not to laugh. Instead, he rounds the counter and pulls me into a big hug.
“How about we start with the coffee, and you can tell me about the rest?”
Chapter 40
Hattie
Iwaiteddaystohear from my old colleagues and, besides a text from Andrew checking in, there was not one single message. It’s silly of me really. I’ve been in that cutthroat industry long enough to know people come and go all the time without explanation. If you’re not visible, you simply cease to exist. It makes me laugh to remember how we used to pitch clients with talk of our team being a family. We weren’t a family, and I was nothing more than a cog in a machine that could be replaced in a heartbeat.
I still haven’t decided what to do, but I don’t think I ever want to go back to that life. Rob was right. I spent my days, and a lot of my nights, sending emails to make rich people richer. Even after just a couple of weeks, I’m struggling to see how I was ever so passionate about it.
Luke asked me to help with a few shifts here and there, and it’s been surprisingly fun. I had a couple of waitressing jobs in my university days, and though the Sunshine coffee machine is like something out of a sci-fi movie, it didn’t take long to get used to it.
I feel freer somehow, with my part time job in a cute little coffee shop. My shifts pass with ease, and it turns out I actually enjoy speaking to people when it’s about something other than work. Tonight I’m joining book club from my spot behind the counter, cleaning while I listen to everyone’s thoughts.
Apparently, Rob comes to Sunshine Book Club now. I suspect it’s to keep an eye on me since I’m not replying to his texts, though I don’t dare ask. He’d probably fob me off with some excuse about supporting Kara, and I wouldn’t believe him, anyway.
