Page 94 of The Best Book Boyfriend
Herhandswraparoundmine and it’s only then I realise how much I am shaking.
“Luke. I know things were really confusing back there, so I just need to clear things up,” she tries to swallow but her throat is croaky. “Actually, could I please have some water?”
I rush across to the sink to get her glass and sit her back down again, taking my spot on the other section of the sofa. She downs it, places the glass on the table, and takes a deep breath.
“I was coming to see you. I was running home to shower and come straight here. You know that often infuriating but essential moment in my books where it seems like all hope is lost? I didn’t want that for us. I got home yesterday and wanted to come straight back, even if you were at work, I just wanted to be here. The last few days with you, I know they’ve been strange, but they felt good to me, and I thought maybe they did to you, too. But then I went to delete my dating apps and I saw Adam on there and it sent me into a spin, so I needed to get that out of my system.
“I promise you Luke, I was coming to see you today, but then he turned up out of nowhere and I thought, well this is too on the nose, the villain returning for the third act. I know it looked bad, but I let Adam in because I needed some answers. Yes, it’s taken me a long time to get over him, but I can see now that’s only because I was left with loads of loose ends.”
I nod along with what she’s saying, and she shuffles closer towards me.
“But the truth is, there is nothing he could have said that would make me take him back. The only thing I felt was pissed off. It turns out I didn’t know him very well at all. He’d been sleeping with her for months before he left. Apparently she’d threatened to get him fired if he didn’t leave me, which doesn’t exactly seem like a great foundation for a relationship, but honestly, none of that matters.” I watch her face closely in case she’s about to cry, but all that’s written on it is bewilderment. “I’ve also been terrified that he might sue me for the house or something, and I needed to tread carefully, but that’s sorted now I think. Or at least it will be.”
She lifts my hands to her mouth, pressing a kiss into my knuckles while she catches her breath.
“What Adam did completely messed with my head. I didn’t know what I wanted, I didn’t know who I was, I felt like I couldn’t trust myself or anyone else. Twelve years is a long time to be with someone, but I think you know me better after twelve weeks than he did after twelve years. Your speech was beautiful, but you’ve got me all wrong.” She scoots closer again, angling her body to face mine, and our knees press together. There’s a lump in my throat when she strokes her fingertips across my cheeks and holds my face in her hands. For a while back there, I was panicking I’d never get to feel her touch again. “I don’t want Matthew Braverman. And I don’t want Jason or Aiden or Toby or Marco. I don’t want any of those guys, and I definitely don’t want Adam.”
“What are you saying?” I whisper.
Her eyes lock with mine, searching. “I want you, Luke.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. Only you.” She rests her hands on my chest and I cover them with mine. “I’m so sorry you thought all was lost. It’s not lost. Adam is my past. I’m ready for the future.”
“A future with me?” I croak out. I think I’m going to cry.
“Yes, with you.” Kara plants the tiniest of reassuring kisses on my cheek. “And also with Matthew Braverman’s best friend Alex because there’s a sequel coming out soon and I should give you fair warning because he ishot.”
“That seems reasonable.” I laugh. She always knows how to break the tension. “I know I might not live up to your Book Boyfriend standards but—”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” she shakes my shoulders. “You’ve been Book Boyfriending me ever since the day we met. You sidled up to a stranger in a cafe to ask me about books, you gave me the push I needed to run a book club, you’ve cooked for me, you initiated a very steamy sofa Q&A which will forever be one of the hottest things that has ever happened to me, you came antiquing, you set up a fake date for my birthday, you looked after me when I was drunk and never once took advantage, you’ve listened to me, you’ve held me, you’ve been—” she stops herself, pausing for a deep breath and to straighten up and face me. “You’ve been everything to me these past few months. You’re the best Book Boyfriend, but I want a real one.”
“I volunteer as tribute,” I laugh.
There it is. Her beautiful, brilliant, incredible smile. I lean in to kiss her, but she pulls away a little.
“I’m sorry, I have a bit more I need to say.” She curls inward, a shade less bright, more cautious as she presses her hand to my chest to give herself a little distance. “It sounds silly, but I just need you to know that I’ve been feeling really afraid. I think I’m afraid to be with another person because, truthfully, I don’t know how. I don’t know how to be with someone who isn’t him, and I’m terrified I’ll get things wrong because I know not all men are the same. You’re nothing like him, but I want you to know what you’re dealing with here. I want to be with you so much, but I’m afraid you’ll leave without warning. I’ll probably always be panicking that you’ll leave.”
He’s broken her so badly, but it will be the honour of my life to spend every day showing her just how much I want to be with her. I take her hands and hold them tight, my thumbs caressing her skin as I keep them pinned to my heart.
“I am not him, Kara. I would never end things without telling you. I would never end things full stop. And you know what, I’m afraid too—” I let go of her hands and she leaves them there while I tuck her hair behind her ears. I sweep my thumb across her jawline and nudge her chin up so there’s no avoiding what I say next. This is the most vulnerable I’ve been with her, but I need to say it, and I need her to hear it.
“I’m afraid to be with you in case I fall in love with you and you die.” Now we both look like we’re going to cry. “I’ll always be panicking that something bad will happen to you. But guess what? I went ahead and fell in love with you anyway, and I’m still worried. When you go to meet a client, when you cross a road, when you leave a room, I’m worried. I can’t help it.”
“You’re in love with me?” she says with a soft gasp, tears threatening to spill over her lash line. I nod and slip my fingers behind her knees, pulling her into my lap.
“I have been for a while, I think. I know it’s fast, and I don’t expect you to be on the same page, but there’s no way I can deny how I feel.” I lean my forehead against hers and wrap my arms around her waist. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. If we’re both afraid, let’s be afraid together.”
Uh-oh.That really has sent her over the edge. I wipe her tears away with the pads of my fingers.
“I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to love someone else until I met you. I thought maybe you get a set amount of love in your life and I’d given all mine to Heather. But you brought the love with you the moment you sat down in my cafe and started reading.” I cradle her face in my hands, tilting it up towards mine. “I adore you. I miss you when I’m not with you, but I also miss you when Iamwith you because I feel like I’ve had this tiny taste of what it would be like to be yours and we just dance around it. You’re always just out of reach.”
Our mouths are millimetres apart, the whisper of her breath warms my lips. “I’ve been miserable every minute I’ve not been with you. All those times you said you were going on a date. All those times you apologised for crossing the line, and insisted we just be friends. Miserable. I’m begging you, Kara, please, put me out of my misery.”
Chapter 41
Kara
