Page 85 of The Best Book Boyfriend
“Aren’t you hurting right now?” Hattie shouts, and Megan and I both recoil. “Aren’t you inagonydepriving yourself of something that is good and right in front of you?”
“Come on, lie down and be a starfish.” Megan slides off the sofa, pats the floor and makes me spread my arms and legs out wide. She sits by my head, smoothing her thumbs from between my eyebrows out to my temples. I don’t know what TikTok or YouTube she’s seen this on, but it helps when I’m spinning out into a rambling meltdown.
“OK, so you and Luke are friends. Is that what you want?” she asks in her sweet teacher’s voice.
“Yes. I love Luke, but we’rejustfriends, and that’s enough.”
Hattie punches the air and shakes her hands like she’s throttling someone. “Excuse me while I scream into a pillow.” She does exactly that, smothering her face with one of the sofa cushions, shrieking into the down. When she’s finished, she sets it back on the sofa, plumping it carefully before turning back to me.
“Kara, do you hear yourself speaking?”
“What?” That telltale lump is growing in my throat as she looms over me.
“What did youjustsay?”
“I can’t remember.” I turn to look up at Megan, who is sitting with her lips pressed into a tight line, her face all doe-eyed and her hands folded over her heart.
“You just said that you love Luke. L. O. V. E. You love him,” she fawns.
“You’ve loved him for ages,” Hattie says. “Do you know what it’s like to be in a room with the two of you? The chemistry is unreal. I’ve definitely thought about you doing it when I’m wanking.” Megan and I both gasp and clap our hands to our mouths.
“That is very rude, Hattie,” Megan says through her giggles.
“Well, I don’t give a shit. You’re both hot, it was a good wank, I’m not apologising for it. My point is, you love this man. You think about him all the time, you talk to him every day, you spend entire afternoonsreadingtogether. You care for him when he’s sick. He helps you with your work. You’re basically a couple already.”
“He doesn’t think of me that way.”
“Must I remind you he literally had, in your own words,mind-blowingsex with you.”
“That was just for my birthday,” I protest.
“Oh, sweet innocent baby angel girl, you cannot be this stupid. Look, I know you’ve only ever had one boyfriend, but as someone who’s been with forty-five thousand of the fuckers, I can tell you for certain that men do not do that kind of thing for women they’re not into. A romantic fake dinner date where he pretended to be your dream man followed by, and again, I quote,mind-blowingsex, which he had to enlist your two best friends to help coordinate? That’s neverjustfor your birthday. He did that foryou.”
The heavy feeling in my chest is reaching its tipping point, my shoulders shake when I sit up just in time for a big wobbly sob to pour from deep in my chest. I pull my knees to my chest and curl into a ball. It doesn’t matter how much I try to forget him, the heart wants what it wants and mine wants him badly.
“You’re holding yourself back because you’re scared,” Hattie continues. “It’s understandable. That bastard fucked you right up, but that doesn’t mean you should avoid all chances of happiness for the rest of your life.”
“How is the serial shagger the wise one about relationships all of a sudden?” I laugh, though it comes out all shaky.
“Because I’m the queen of avoiding my feelings, and I know exactly what it looks like.”
“What if he breaks my heart? I wouldn’t survive it twice. You know how hard it was to piece me back together.”
“What if he doesn’t though, babe?”
“Fuck,” I scream. “What a mess. Why did you make me join all these apps?”
“Umm,” she looks over at Megan, but Megs shakes her head.
“I never approved this. I believe I was asleep at the time.”
“I’m sorry, Kara,” Hattie says, dropping to her knees in front of me. “I figured if you went online, you’d see what a bunch of dumdums are out there and snap Luke up. I thought that’s who you really wanted.”
”Idowant him. I want him so much,“ I howl.
“We know angel,” Megan says, and they both wrap their arms around me and squeeze tight. “So tell him how you feel.”
“I can’t.”
