Page 79 of The Best Book Boyfriend
“Can I kiss you?” I whisper, half hoping she will, half hoping she won’t even hear my needy begging. She bristles and looks away, holding her breath before letting out a slow sigh.
“Oh Luke. I don’t think you really want to. I think you’re sad and it will help for a second and then it won’t. I don’t want that for us, not like this.”
My eyes float closed. “I should have kissed you.”
“What?”
“Last week, when I drove you home.”
“Oh, no, I was drunk and handsy and it was completely inappropriate.” She scoots back a little, barely noticeable, but I catch it. The distance between us feels like miles. “You did the right thing.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” I think I’m going to properly cry, so I roll away onto my stomach and bury my face in my pillow. A few moments later I feel her hand on my back, stroking slow circles across my shoulder blades, easing the edge off my heartache.
“It’s OK. You’re not yourself. But I hope you know I’m really fond of you, Luke. You’re such a great guy. I like spending time with you. We have a beautiful friendship here,” she yawns softly. “Let’s be kind to each other, let’s look out for each other, I’ll always be here for you. That’s enough isn’t it?”
“Of course.”
It’s not enough.
Today she showed up for me in a way I’d forgotten people are capable of doing. She didn’t tell me to get a grip, she didn’t try to fix me, she just did everything I needed. Even the things I didn’t know I needed. So here we lay, side by side in the pale light, her soft circles slowing until she falls asleep with her hand on my back. I’m not tired any more, I’m just broken hearted. Sad for my past, sad for my future, and all I can do is watch her until the sun comes up.
Chapter 33
Kara
Idon’tevenneedto open my eyes to remember I’m in Luke’s bed. His sheets are soft, the pillow smells like him, the covers are warm with the heat of two bodies sleeping side by side. Except only one of us is sleeping. When I roll over and discover a Luke-shaped gap in the bed, I panic for a second but when I run downstairs I find him mopping the kitchen.
“Coffee?” he asks as I lean against the doorframe and catch my breath.
“Please.”
“Hop up so you don’t ruin my nice clean floor.” I sit at the breakfast bar and remember the last time I sat here and watched him make pancakes for me. He looks better than yesterday and sounds it too. He’s fresher in the face, he’s trimmed his beard a little, though his hair is all dishevelled in that way I like best. I love morning Luke, he’s got a good energy to be around this early. Never grumpy.
“How are you feeling?” I tentatively ask.
“Better, thank you. Out of bed, which is an improvement.”
“What do you have planned for today?”
“I’m taking one more day off. I don’t want to push it. You?”
“I cleared my diary.”
“For me?” he asks. There’s a layer of emotion beneath the question, excitement perhaps. He sets my coffee down and I pull it across the counter towards me.
“Well, yes, just in case you needed company or anything.”
“You don’t need to cancel your plans for me, Kara.”
“Perk of being the boss, eh?” He doesn’t say anything so we sip quietly and I stare out of the window. It looks like a mild day, and I wonder how I’ll fill it. I haven’t taken a day off in months. I could go and get a massage and a pedicure, or take myself out for a lunch, drive over and see my folks, but when I look at him across the counter, I know there’s nobody I’d rather make plans with. “I think we should go on an adventure.”
He thinks for a while, staring out into the garden at something, or nothing. “I haven’t seen the sea for a while.”
“Perfect. I need to nip home, but I’ll be back in half an hour.”
Back home, I shower and brush my teeth, change into jeans and a thin jumper, then throw a cosy hoodie into my bag just in case it’s cold on the coast. I grab two bananas and figure we can get lunch somewhere on the way. I don’t think I’ve properly recovered from the stress of worrying about Luke, but I am excited to spend the day with him. It will be good to get us both out of our usual routines.
I beep my horn outside his house and try to keep my face positive when he steps out. The man looks exhausted. He’s changed into jeans, a thick, warm hoodie pulled up over his hair. I’m reminded of a teenager being dragged to the supermarket by his mum.
