Page 64 of The Best Book Boyfriend
Jo isn’t really the sort for gossip, but I don’t want her eavesdropping. I tell her I’m taking a quick break and head outside to sit with Hattie, who clearly isn’t just passing by. She fidgets for a bit, and I don’t know what to say either.
“I’ve come to say sorry for ruining lunch yesterday. Megan wanted to come too, but apparently teachers can’t just ditch in the middle of the day to check on their friends. Are you OK?”
I sigh and it comes out all shaky. I didn’t realise I’d been holding onto my breath so tightly.
“I honestly don’t know what that lunch was all about, or why Kara was so angry. I’m fine, more worried about her than anything.”
“Listen,” she says. “Megan and I, we know we shouldn’t ask, but what happened on Friday night?”
“I don’t think that’s fair of me to be the one to tell you. You really haven’t spoken to her about it?”
“We’ve only seen her at lunch with you, and she clearly didn’t want to talk.”
“Well, you need to ask her.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “For fuck’s sake, why are you such a gentleman?” The compliment makes me smile even though smiling hurts right now.
“All I can say is that from my perspective, I thought it was a perfect evening, and I didn’t want her to go, but she just thanked me for her birthday present and said she had a date.”
“Did you ask her to stay?” Hattie asks.
“No. She said she had a date to get to.”
“Oh. I think she would have stayed. If you’d asked.”
“She said she had a date, I didn’t think it was an appropriate time to ask her to stay.”
We sit in silence for a while and then she sighs, taking a big gulp of her coffee. “How can we make this right?” I ask.
“We can’t meddle. We got a bollocking last night and told to stop interfering in her love life.”Jesus. What have I done?
“I got a bollocking too, but it doesn’t make sense. The Matthew Braverman thing was my idea.”
“I don’t think she knows that.”
I groan and press my forehead to the heel of my palm. “This is such a mess. I should never have done it.” I don’t really believe that, though. There was something there between us, I’d never take it back.
“In fairness, Luke, it’s exactly the sort of thing she loves in books. We wouldn’t have let you go through with it if we thought she’d hate it.” Hattie reaches out, her hand resting on top of mine. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Do youlikelike her?”
“Yeah, I really do.” God, that feels good to get off my chest.
“I think you should tell her,” she says with a small smile, “but this is going to be a really shit week for her. Saturday is the anniversary of Adam leaving.”
“Oh. Yeah, those anniversaries suck.”
“She’ll probably want to lie low until it’s over. We’re in the bad books with her too, so that doesn’t help.”
Poor Kara. No wonder she’s feeling all over the place. On the first anniversary of Heather’s death, I was a wreck. I drank my way through it so I could pretend it wasn’t happening. I woke up on the bathroom floor, having missed the toilet bowl when I’d thrown up. That first year was filled with shitty anniversaries. Twenty-four hours without her, seven days without her, one month without her, six, seven, eight. My birthday, her birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s. Every single one left me cold and angry with the world.
On the second anniversary, I quietly opened Sunshine Coffee without telling anyone. The only customers were two ladies looking for the old haberdashers, but were kind enough to stick around for a coffee. I went home a failure but decided the only way to get better, to salvage my promise to Heather, was to get up the next day and try again. I ordered a sandwich board sign for the street and painted our name with an arrow pointing into the courtyard. I asked the local printing shop to do some flyers for me and posted them to all the nearby streets before opening up every morning for two weeks. Gradually, customers came. I wonder what the third anniversary will be like.
Kara’s first anniversary is a horrible milestone, and Hattie is right. She needs to get through the other side of it and feel whatever she needs to feel rather than avoid it. When I tried to avoid my first anniversary, it took me months to pull back from that wave of depression.
“I hate that I’ve caused this argument with you three. She really needs her friends right now.”
