Page 48 of The Best Book Boyfriend
I don’t need anyone but myself.They all make me sound ridiculous. I know it’s the opposite of the words I’ve just used to try and comfort him.
“I suppose I see couples and I think, good for them, I hope they have a lovely life together, but that’s just not for me. I’m happy on my own. Really, I am.”
I haven’t mentioned it to Luke, but I’ve been texting a couple of guys over the past few weeks. It never goes anywhere, and there are as many creeps as ever. Nobody has even come close to how I feel when I talk to him.
Luke helps me clear the table and while I wash dishes he studies the photos, postcards, artwork, and calendar on my fridge door. I have a small panic that there are pictures of Adam and I on there, then I remember Megan took them all down months ago and said I wasn’t allowed to see his face before breakfast every day.
“Hey, it’s your birthday soon!”
Ugh.It’s coming up fast and I’d really just rather ignore the whole thing. “Yep.”
“How old will you be? If you don’t mind me asking?”
“I’ll be thirty.”
“A big birthday! Are you excited?”
“Um, not especially. Kind of dreading it to be honest. It will be my first one since Adam left.”
“Oh shit, sorry. Those first milestones are rough.”They sure are. He gets it.“Are you doing anything nice?”
“Not sure,” I lie. I’m planning to spend the day underneath the covers crying. “I’ll be working then probably just the usual takeout, wine, movie with the girls.”
I deliberately don’t invite him for this one. I don’t need him to see me crying over Adam.
“What do you want for your birthday?”
My answer is instant. “A date with Matthew Braverman,” I laugh.
“The guy fromLove To Loathe You?”
“Yes. My first proper Book Boyfriend.” I’m swooning, eyes closed and a big smile on my face as I remember Matthew Braverman in all his gorgeous, filthy glory. That book set the bar seriously high. Matthew is still a regular recurring character in my late night fantasies, though lately there’s a real-life man who features more often.
“Why do you love him so much?”
“I like that he has a good read on Briony, he understands her better than she understands herself. I love their fake date because they get to drop their guard for one night. They act like they’re pretending, putting on a persona for each other, but every word they say is true, and then when they finally get behind closed doors the sex is immense.”
“I remember,” he says on a rough exhale. “I don’t think they sell Matthew Bravermans on Amazon though.”
“Sadly not, but a girl can dream. What did you do for your thirtieth?” I ask. He shifts his hips to lean against the counter, scratches behind his ear. “Oh shit, I assumed you are older, I hope I’ve not offended you.”
“Not at all, I’m thirty-three. We weren’t able to do much when I turned thirty, but I had dinner at the hospital with Heather.”
“Oh God, sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s OK. It was really special in its own way.” Luke folds his arms across his chest, his shoulders bunching. “One of her friends cooked a meal for us and surprised me when I went in for visiting hours. The nursing staff turned a blind eye and let me stay late. We watched The Notebook together.”
“A classic.”
“It was her favourite. Especially near the end, she watched it most days. I think it gave her great comfort to see a couple be old together.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah, it was kind of torture for me.”
It’s probably not the best time to tell him that I think Noah is kind of a stalker and it’s messed up how he manipulates Allie to go on a date with him. I finish drying the cutlery and put it back in the drawer in silence. It’s only 8pm, a glorious stretch of the readathon still lies ahead of us, but my mood has shifted from all this awkward birthday chat.
“What do you want to read next?”
