Page 36 of The Best Book Boyfriend
How does Rob cope with all these one-night stands? I’m a wreck with the stress of one evening, with one woman. But fuck, what a woman she is.
Kara seems really hung up on this ex of hers. She’s only shared a bit about what happened, but I can tell how much it’s messed her up. Imagine leaving your partner, the person you live with, without a word of explanation? I hope I never meet the prick. I’ve never been a hateful person, but I can safely say I hate him.
And I hope I was a good husband to Heather. I think I was. I hope I never made her feel bad while we were together, though I’m sure I wasn’t perfect all the time. She was, as my Granny Annie would put it,‘isnae backwards in coming forwards’. She always spoke her mind. If I was getting on her nerves, she told me so. If I wasn’t pulling my weight, I knew about it. She never expected me to be a mind-reader either. If she needed something, she was upfront about it.
I learned everything about being in a relationship, about teamwork, and communication from her. And sex, obviously. The thing that dwells on my mind now is that the way I was with Heather is not the way I’ll be with someone else. What happened last night was nothing like anything Heather or I did, and half of the things we mentioned I only really know about from Kara’s books, anyway.
It was refreshing to hear her say she feels unsure of herself, of what she wants or how to be with someone else. That’s exactly how I feel. Obviously, Heather and Kara aren’t the same person. I don’t know why I’m even comparing the two of them. Nobody will ever compare to Heather, and I think that’s part of my problem. I hope someone else will be as amazing and special as her, and it’s not exactly a fair expectation to set.
Meeting Kara has made me realise that anyone I date after Heather will be their own person. And if I’m getting deep about it, I know I’m not the same person I was with Heather either. I still don’t know how do you live your whole life with someone and then carry on alone. I’m living half a life. I’ve got to figure out how to fill the empty bit, and it’s not fair to expect Kara to do that for me. If we are nothing more than friends, that’s still good with me because I enjoy spending time with her.
My phone on the coffee table pings me out of my spiralling thoughts.
Rob:How was dinner?
Where to even begin. I snap a quick photo of me doing a thumbs up.
Luke:It was great. Don’t ask any more questions.
Rob:That means you got laid you sneaky fucker.
Luke:I did not. Goodnight x
I haven’t seen much of Kara in the past few weeks, but we’ve texted most days. She mentioned she’s landed a big project designing some waiting areas and family rooms in a new wing at the hospital. When I’ve spoken to her about it she’s seemed pretty stressed. Apparently, there is a lot of red tape and conflicting opinions, but I’m confident she’ll win them over.
I’ve been busy too. Things at the cafe are going well and I’ve been working a lot after hours trying to get the council to process an alcohol licence so I can put on evening events. Our book club will be a great trial run, and we’ve had lots of customers asking about it. Unfortunately, it turns out the council are fans of red tape too and I keep getting passed around departments with no answers. If I can get it sorted, it might be the first step to potentially opening a second location. That’s the new dream; a bar with live music, comedy, a place for private events. There’s nothing like it round here.
Kara came in a while ago with posters to put up and sent me a load of pictures to promote it on Instagram. I often get a 7am text message reminding me to post something that day. I wonder if she wakes up thinking about me the way I wake up and thinking about her. Probably not. She’s doing way better at thejust friendsthing than I am.
Today’s the big day, our first Sunshine Book Club meeting. All week I’ve been feeling a kind of tension, like I’m floating around in a balloon just waiting for it to pop. Unmissable in her bright green coat and yellow beanie hat, I spot her through the windows as soon as she rounds the corner into the courtyard. My chest hurts, in a good way.
Neither of us have spoken about our sofa night, but I wish I could ask if she’s feeling OK. I know she just wants to pretend it never happened, and I’m the dick torturing myself by replaying images of her over and over in my head.
Some days she sends me a book recommendation and I cycle over to the bookshop or the library and see if they have it. In the evenings I send her a selfie of me reading on the sofa, and if I’m lucky, she gives me the gift of one back; Kara holding her own copy, Kara covered in paint flecks from a client’s house, or a thumbs up from what I think is her bedroom. I wonder if I’ll ever get to visit her place.
I lock the door behind our last customers and clean up while Kara rearranges the furniture. I sent Katy and Jo home early but told them to come back at six so I could order us all dinner. Around one table, the four of us smash through burritos and dirty fries, and try to avoid talking about the book too early. I catch myself in a true moment of presence and realise it feels really fucking nice. My business, good food, a great team, and this beautiful woman whose mouth I want to taste.
People trickle in from seven and get right to ordering more coffees than I expected for an evening event, along with fruit teas and soft drinks. The sausage rolls and pastries I ordered in from our bakery supplier sell out fast, and I keep half an eye on Kara, watching her weave through the crowd making sure everyone is personally welcomed. From a business perspective, she’s totally held up her end of the deal, although I’d gladly let tonight go ahead even if it was just the two of us.
There are lots of friendly faces I recognise, and I finally get to meet the infamous Hattie and Megan, who seem like exactly the kind of friends I would hope Kara has in her life. Not that I doubted they’d be good people, and I’ve no business feeling so protective of her, but it’s nice to meet them properly. Megan hugs me like she’s known me my whole life, and Hattie gives me the attitude Kara had kindly warned me about.
“We’ve already been in here to perv on you twice,” she says. Poor Kara looks horrified, but shakes her head and laughs. I can’t help but wonder what they know about me. Has she told them about what happened when she came over for dinner? Has she told them how often we talk?
“I think we can probably start now,” I say, once everyone is served and seated. It’s awesome to see so many people gathered here in this space, just like I’ve pictured. Lots have brought their books and a few have gone the extra mile with some notes. Clearly Kara’s found her people.
“I’m nervous, Luke,” she whispers at my side, nibbling the edge of her thumb. I lay a palm on her shoulder and turn her to face me.
“Kara. There is absolutely nobody more qualified to run a book club than you. You’re a reading machine, you chose a brilliant book, you know it inside out. You’re a fantastic speaker, your best friends are here, and I’m here. You’ve got this.” When she drops her gaze to the floor to hide her smile, I can’t help but kiss the top of her head. “Off you go.”
She finds her place at the back of the room and the chatter dies down in her presence.
“Good evening everyone, and welcome to the first meeting of Sunshine Book Club,” she beams, and then we’re off.
Our book tonight isMiles From You, a moving story about Nate and Steph, childhood sweethearts who split up when Steph moves to America in the middle of their final year of school. Though they try to keep things going long distance, they both get tempted by other relationships closer to home and ultimately break each other’s hearts.
The book then follows them over several years as they bounce back in and out of each other’s lives, either at the worst possible time, when they’re both in relationships, or when they need each other most, like when Steph’s dad dies and Nate gets the first flight to the States to be with her. I really loved it and it seems everyone else did too. Well, everyone except Hattie.
“I thought it was so romantic when Nate sent all those letters, while he was away from her.” says Jo.
