Page 63 of The Best Book Boyfriend
It hadn’t even occurred to me it might have been their idea. Perhaps they thinkIthink they came up with the idea and roped Luke into it because they were so desperate to get me laid. I hate stupid games and schemes, and I’m livid to be on the receiving end of it. I’m trying to think of how to reply when another notification pops up.
Luke:Are you OK?
No, I’m not bloody OK, but I don’t want him to know that. And what does he care, anyway?
‘Have a great date, Kara.’
How can you have sex with someone, really absolutely mind-blowing sex, and then pretend it never happened?
Kara:I’m fine
Luke:You didn’t seem fine earlier, but I couldn’t tell if you were annoyed with Hattie and Megan, or me, or all three of us.
Iamannoyed at all three of them, but I still can’t really properly explain why. All I know is I don’t want to have this conversation anymore. Or ever again.
Kara:Look, I appreciate what you did for me. But the three of you winding me up makes me feel like you pity fucked me and now you’re all having a laugh at my expense.
I send it before I even think about what I’m saying. Is that how I really feel? I definitely hadn’t felt like that during the act itself, or afterwards, or even when I woke up in his bed yesterday morning. It’s only a feeling that’s been creeping in ever since. He didn’t ask me to stay, or act like he wanted more. Just ‘have a great date,’then he packed me off out the door.
Luke:Kara no, it wasn’t like that at all.
Luke:I don’t want to talk about this over text. Can I call you? Or come over?
Absolutely not. I don’t want anyone to see me when I’m like this.
Kara:I don’t need to talk about it. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.
It’s only 9pm, why have I said I’m going to bed? I’m angry at myself now, my fury unleashed. I swipe back to my chat with the girls.
Kara:Why are you trying to set me up on all these apps and get me dating strangers while also helping Luke to fuck me? Am I a game to you?
Too harsh? I don’t give a shit. I can barely see my phone through the tears that are now impossible to hold back.
Kara:Please do not meddle in my love life ever again.
I turn my phone off and shove it under the sofa cushions. Too upset to watch TV, too upset to read, I think about calling my Mum, but we’re not really the chat about our feelings types.
This stupid day needs to end already. Rooting around in the bathroom cabinet, I find those sleeping tablets and take one, scooping water from the tap into my mouth. I climb into bed and wait for sleep to take me.
Chapter 26
Luke
I’veabsolutelyfuckedthisup. I thought giving Kara a date with Matthew Braverman would make her dreams come true, and everything about that night was perfect to me. We were in sync. When I made my move, she made hers, and by the time we left the restaurant there was no doubt in my mind that we wanted the same thing.
Then today at lunch everything fell apart. I didn’t realise she hadn’t spoken to her friends about it already, and I would never disrespect her by talking to them about our night behind her back.
When she left mine, she seemed excited to go off for her date. Though I hated it with the fire of a thousand suns, I tried to act happy for her. It takes a lot of guts to get back out there after a long relationship, I just didn’t realise she was taking dating that seriously. Clearly I’m a fool to hope that I’d be the first contender, but I’m so relieved that he didn’t do it for her.
At lunch, I couldn’t even find words to speak. I didn’t give a shit about her date, didn’t want to talk about our night together in front of Megan and Hattie, and so I just sat there. And now she thinks I’vepity fuckedher? She couldn’t be more wrong.
If anything, it’s the other way around. She only went along with it because it was Matthew. I couldn’t even look at her today without replaying our time together.
I have another night of fitful sleep and around 5am I decide there’s no point in lying in bed any longer. I shift to the sofa with my book but it’s pointless. I can’t get invested in someone else’s love life when mine is all over the place.
Sunshine Coffee is my only salvation. I open up early and the Monday co-working group keeps me busy and out of my head. After the lunch rush, I spy Hattie hovering near the door, looking sheepish.
“Take a seat outside. I’ll bring you a drink.”
