Page 21 of The Best Book Boyfriend
Luke:Her name is Kara
Rob:You need a chat?
Luke:YES
He video calls me in seconds. I answer from my spot on the sofa and fill him in.
“I met her in the coffee shop, she gave me some book recommendations, we’ve been texting, I’ve asked her to run a book club, she’s coming over for dinner to talk about how it will all work. That’s it.”
“Nice one mate, book club is a great way to pick up women.” Rob is a perpetual bachelor with a knack for meeting women wherever he goes. You name it, he’s done it. He’s on every app going, and I don’t think he ever sees the same woman twice. Last month, he hooked up with a woman he met in A&E after he rolled his ankle at 5-a-side football. Apparently, she was more than happy to nurse him back to health. He’s propped his phone up in his bathroom while he preens in the mirror.
“Please help me. I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m starting to feel like it’s a terrible idea.”
“Take a breath, mate. What time is she coming over?” he asks.
“Next Saturday. We haven’t set a time yet.”
“Oh, you’ve got ages. I thought you meant she was coming tonight.” I watch as he drops globs of some sort of lotion onto his forehead and cheeks before rubbing them in. “What are you going to cook?”
“I haven’t thought about it.”
“Just pick something simple that you can prepare in advance and then put in the oven, so you don’t spend all the time she’s there busy with cooking. Lasagne, risotto, your Granny’s stew would all be good. Get a couple of bottles of wine in, and some of those fancy soft drinks too, in case she doesn’t drink.”
I grab a pen and paper from the little drawer compartment in my coffee table and start writing all of this down.
“But nothing too stodgy,” he jumps in. “Nobody likes to fuck on a full stomach.”
My face scrunches up and I pinch the bridge of my nose. I’d hoped he wouldn’t go there, but since this is the first woman I’ve even mentioned since Heather, I shouldn’t be surprised.
“What conversation topics have you got up your sleeve?” His moisturiser goes on next.
“Um, book club. That’s it.”
“What do you know about this woman?”
“Not much. She’s an interior designer, she loves reading, her ex left her a year ago.”
“OK, so ask her about herself, what she likes, what she dislikes, what she wants out of life and all that. Do not ask about the ex. And don’t talk about Heather,” he says. “No offence mate, but that shit won’t get you laid.”
When he sprays on aftershave I can practically smell it through the phone.
“I haven’t invited her over to have sex. And she knows about Heather already.”
“In all seriousness though, Luke…” Uh-oh, he’s got his dad voice on now. “Please make sure you buy condoms.”
“Condoms? What the fuck? She’s just coming over for dinner. I’m not buying condoms.” I can’t even remember the last time I bought condoms. Heather was on the pill when we needed it. I probably only ever used the free condoms they handed out in the one sex education class we had. I know I’m a grown man, but the thought of going into a shop and buying condoms and basically declaring “I’m having sex tonight!” brings me out in a cold sweat.
“Trust me,” he laughs. “Worst-case scenario, they sit in your drawer until they expire. But don’t let them expire. I’ll use them.” He must surely have shares in Durex by this point. “Get some just in case, then if you want them, you’ve got them.”
I begrudgingly write ‘C’ on the list.
Do I want to have sex with Kara? My gut reaction was no, but now I’m wondering why I was so quick to say that. It’s been such a long time since I’ve touched someone, or been touched in that way.
Memories of sex with Heather are more painful than hot, unfortunately. She was always beautiful to me, but her cancer took so much from her, including her energy, her sex drive, and her confidence. There were nights we spent hours trying to find a way to make her comfortable, her mind battling with her body, wanting to have that connection despite being in pain. We talked about it a lot. There was never any pressure from me, but I know she felt like a failure sometimes. As a woman, as a wife. Her body betrayed her. I still hate that I couldn’t give her what she wanted.
Mostly we’d just lay naked, stroking wherever felt right under warm blankets. It was everything. Not sexual, but out of this world in its own way. Our bodies pressed together, breathing together, living together while we still could. Her heart fighting to keep her here, mine fighting to keep from smashing into pieces.
In her last days, Heather made me promise her three things. She wanted me to follow my dreams, but I had no idea what I wanted except some magic way to turn back time and live my life with her all over again. We’d always dreamed of a life of adventure together, and then so many of those dreams got put on hold. Rounds and rounds of treatment meant it was impossible to make plans. We never knew how she would be feeling, and I hated to see her disappointed. We tried all that bucket list crap, but the list got smaller and smaller until none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was that I stayed by her side.
