Page 16 of The Best Book Boyfriend
“Um, not for a couple of years, no.” He closes off and I pick another topic, my brain quickly searching for anything to avoid an awkward silence.
“Tell me about your tattoo,” I say, noticing it peeking out from under his jumper.
“Oh, it’s er…” He pulls his sleeve up a little further and twists his forearm to show me. “It’s an oak tree.”
“It’s beautiful. Does it have a special meaning?” His slow exhale seems painful and now I really wish I hadn’t asked this either. I’ve totally derailed our perfectly nice conversation.
“It’s a tree in my Granny’s meadow where I played a lot as a kid. It’s the tree I got married underneath.”
My breath catches in my throat. “You’re married?”How could I have read this so wrong? Why am I meeting up with a married man? Why is he flirting with me?No wait, he just said he’s not with anyone, and he’s not wearing a ring, but this is not the 1950s. He could be one of those guys that just doesn’t wear a ring. Is he lying to me? Does he have a secret wife and...oh no... have I stopped breathing? Am I about to pass out?
“Iwasmarried. It’s also the tree I scattered my wife’s ashes under.”
Chapter 8
Kara
Oh,God.“Oh, Luke. I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” I don’t know what to say to that and before I can stop myself, I’m totally screwing up and blurting out, “What happened?”
“Cancer,” he says, his voice almost a whisper.
“I’m so sorry.” I instinctively reach my hand across the table to touch his arm. When I feel him flex slightly under my touch, I realise it’s wholly inappropriate and I yank my arm away. “Sorry.”
Why can’t I think of anything to say except sorry? Luke stares out of the window, so I stare into my now empty cup, swilling the liquid around and wishing it would wash this moment away.
“I haven’t had to say that to anyone for a long time,” he says, his lips pressed tightly together.
“I’d love to hear some stories about her if you’d like to share them.”
“Yeah,” he says, rubbing the tattoo. “Maybe sometime.” His tree tattoo. The one they got married under. Where he scattered her ashes.
I really have got this all mixed up. Luke isn’t flirting, he’s grieving, he’s lonely. He probably asked me for recommendations because he’s bored, or just being friendly to his customers.
“That must have been so hard for you. I just can’t imagine losing someone like that.”Kara, you idiot, please stop talking.
“It was about as awful as you’d expect, really.”
I’m lost for words, so I just sit on my hands and bite my tongue and let us be silent.
“Heather,” he says after a while. “Her name was Heather. After she died, I kind of lost it. Didn’t leave the house for months. Slept all the time but also didn’t really sleep at all. Couldn’t eat. Wouldn’t let people come and see me.” His face looks tight as he relives what must surely be agony for him.
“Over time, I got better, but I was just coasting. There wasn’t really a reason to stay there, but I didn’t want to move because I was afraid I’d leave all my memories behind, you know? I was so scared I’d forget her, but I was living in a ghost town. I’d go to the cinema and only think about all the times we’d been in the past. I’d walk out and not be able to remember a thing about the film I’d just sat through. I’d go running down the same country paths we’d run hundreds of times and replay our conversations over and over.” He falls silent, off some place in his head and then with a shake he’s back in the room.
“Sorry. I don’t know where that came from. I didn’t mean to treat you like a therapist.”
“It’s OK.”
He keeps going. “The longer it went on, the more I realised I needed a fresh start, somewhere to make some new memories. I know I’ll still have all of my old memories, too.”
“So that’s when you moved here?”
“Sort of. Once I’d made the decision, it took a long time to accept that it was a rational one, not an overreaction. I actually signed the lease on this place six months ago, so I’m glad we’re finally open and it can start making some money.”
“How has business been?” He perks up a little, and I think we both welcome the change in topic, although now I’m worried he’ll think I was dismissive and didn’t want to hear about his life.
“It’s been great so far. The town has really welcomed a new coffee shop, I think, but I’m mindful that new businesses always have a surge of customers when they first open. A lot of those people might not come back. I don’t mind the odd quiet spells, though, gives me more time to read.” He smiles a little, his mouth kicking up at the corner, although his eyes are still somewhere else.
“Well, let me help you with that.” I take my phone out of my pocket and open my camera to snap a photo of the back wall, the one with all the fabric swatches, then upload it to Instagram with a couple of editing tweaks.
