Page 49 of Just a Little Crush
“I really care about you, Bec. I always have done.” When he lowers his mouth to mine, I forget to worry about where this is going, and get lost right here, in the spot where he saved me.
25
Rennie
Idon’tknowwhatwe’re doing or how we got here, but we’ve lit the match, and while she’s here in my arms, the thought of ending this is unbearable. This can’t be over already. If a friends with benefits thing is the best I can get, then I’ll take it.
I want to stay right here with her, but I’m antsy about being back in this spot, loitering at the side of a road with poor visibility. Putting Bec back in danger is not something I ever want to do.
Back in my car, I take care of her seatbelt, pushing her hands aside even though I know she’s perfectly capable of doing it herself, and we take off for home. I’m about to ask what she wants for dinner when my phone rings.
“Hold on, let me just get this.” I answer from the button on my steering wheel. “Alistair Rendall speaking.”
“Hi Alistair, this is Mitch from Essex Country Fire and Rescue Service. Is now a good time?”
“Hi Mitch, is everything OK?”
“I’m calling about your transfer request.”Transfer request? What transfer request?In the seat by my side, Bec gasps and snaps her head towards me. “I have the paperwork your Chief Fire Officer sent over, along with a glowing recommendation. We have a position available from next month, so I’m calling to arrange a time for us to meet. When might you be available next week?”
A cold sick feeling rises from my stomach. I’d forgotten all about my outburst in Uncle Jeff’s office. Surely he didn’t think I was serious? Fuck, I hope this isn’t binding.
“Mitch, can I call you back? I’m driving.”
“Of course, speak soon.”
“You’re leaving?” she says when the line goes dead.
“Maybe. Yes? I don’t know.”
“I don’t understand. We just—“ her words fall away and she shakes her head in disbelief. Her mouth opens and closes, her hand gesturing back and forth between us.
“Pull the car over,” Bec says, but there’s nowhere I can safely stop without putting us and anyone else on these narrow winding roads in danger. “Pull the fucking car over,” she shouts.
“I can’t stop here. Give me a second.” I drive on, and as the road widens out I find a spot, swinging the car up to the rusted old gates of a cattle field. I kill the engine and shift in my seat, turning my body towards hers. Bec stares out of the window, her arms folded across her chest, teeth scraping across her thumbnail.
“Bec, baby, say something.”
“I think for the first time in my life I am actually speechless. I don’t get it. Why would you ask for a transfer?”
“I put in the request the day after your accident.”
Her head whips round, and my world crumbles when I see tears in her eyes. “Why?” she chokes out.
“I almost lost you, and it made me realise I can’t stay here anymore.” Her brow knits together. “I can’t stay here and love you and watch you live your life with someone else.”
“But there is nobody else,” she whispers, wiping her face with her sleeve. Oh fuck, I can’t bear to see her cry. This is why I’m no good for her, I’ll hurt her even when I’m trying to protect her.
“Someday there will be.” I put my hand on her knee, but she jerks it away. It feels like having a knife driven into my chest. “Some guy will move here, he’ll be perfect for you, and I won’t survive it.”
Bec unbuckles her seatbelt, throws the passenger door wide, and climbs out. I try to reach for her but she slams the door in my face, just not quickly enough to stop me hearing her sob.
Hands on the rickety, old gate, she locks her arms and hangs her head in between them, taking long, deep breaths. I don’t want to touch her if she doesn’t want me to, so I settle for leaning back against the bars, right by her side.
“Bec, please, I can explain—“
“You love me?” she cuts me off.
Oh. That.“Yeah. I love you.”
