Page 86 of Out of Bounds
“At this rate, I’on even give a fuck.” I chuckled. “I just be trying to be under her as much as possible.”
Deuce stood from his seat and patted me on the shoulder. “Put therapy on the table and get ya family back, nigga. We rooting for you,” he told me before walking off.
If suggesting therapy was going to push us in the direction of reconciliation, then I would give it a shot. Above everything, I really wanted my fucking wife back. I wanted my family under one roof so I could put my kids to bed at night. Shit just wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Pecking Aurora on her forehead, I stood and backed away from her bed. The kids had been with me all evening. After we had dinner, I brought them back to the crib and made sure everyone took their baths before going to bed.
Pulling her bedroom door, I trekked down the hall and peeped in on the kids one by one. Once I was sure that everyone was asleep, I made my way to my old bedroom.
“Knock, knock.” I tapped my fist on the slightly ajar bedroom door.
“You can come in,” Masai said from the other side.
When I pushed the door open, she was sitting in the middle of the bed in her robe, thumbing through a stack of pictures. Her hair was pushed back from her face with a pink headband, and her eyes were misty.
“We made a lot of memories together over the years. When we divorced, my plan was to get rid of all of these, but something told me to keep them. So, I bought this keepsake box and stored them here.” Pausing, Masai smiled at a picture of us in college. “Over the past few days, I’ve been going through them, wondering if I had missed any signs. We lookedhappy,” she whispered that last part. “I can’t pinpoint a time when we’d never been happy.”
“That’s because there wasn’t a time. We’ve never not been happy, Masai.”
She held up our wedding photo and smiled. “We were babies when we got married. I remember my dad asking me if I was sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and offering to sneak me out of the chapel if I changed my mind.” She tittered.
“That sounds just like yo’ fuck-ass daddy.” Ambling over to the bed, I sat on the side and swiped a picture up. “Remember when I took this?” I asked and held it out to her.
She snorted. “I was six months pregnant with Sophie, and I was so mad because I felt ugly as hell.”
“And I took it to remind you how beautiful you were. You’ve always been the prettiest girl to me.”
“I was fat as fuck!” She laughed. “My nose had spread so fast.”
“And I would’ve still picked you.” Swiping my tongue across my bottom lip, I sighed. “Sai, I know you prolly don’t want shit to do with me, but I can’t just move on like we never meant anything. I’ve been trying to give you space.”
“Space…” she mused. “When have youtriedto give me any space? You’re always here, Kreed. Right here, every time I turn around. You give me everything but space.”
“That should tell you something. I want us back, Masai. I don’t know what I gotta do to prove to you that I’m so sorry for fucking up and that I won’t ever do that shit again. But, baby, I can’t leave you alone, and Irefuseto let you go be happy with a nigga that ain’t me. We ain’t do all of that…” I pointed at the stack of pictures. “For us to just let this be the end.”
Masai sighed. “I’m so confused. I’ve been trying to make sense of everything for a few months now. I want to take you back, but then I think about the betrayal, and it still hurts. Kreed, I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you. And I thought moving on would somehow make those feelings go away, but it didn’t. If anything, it reminded me of the reasons I fell for you to begin with. I just don’t know if we could ever go back to where we were.”
“We can, though, Sai.”
She held her hand up and shook her head. “I don’t think we can.”
I couldn’t lie. Hearing that shit out loud broke my fucking heart. I needed Masai more than I needed the fucking air in my lungs. I couldn’t accept that we were over. Something in me kept saying to try. “Masai…”
Dropping her head, she shook it. “We can’t go back. Can’t erase history, Kreed. It doesn’t work like that. I’m not saying that we can’t try and mend things, but I don’t think it would ever be like it was.”
“What you saying, Sai?” I queried, sitting up.
“I’m saying…” She cleared her throat. “We can try. It won’t be an overnight thing, but I wholeheartedly think it’s worth giving it a shot.”
“Are you sure?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I know I love you, and I know I’ve tried to get over you. I also know that I miss you—I miss us. I miss who and what we were. But I also love the space I’m in.Ifwe give this another shot, it won’t be like it was. There are things that I havenowthat I refuse to give up.”
“Things like what?”
“My career, being number one. While I love being a stay-at-home mom and caretaker for this family, I can’t be put back in that shell. I spent years in school to earn my degree—a degree that I hadn’t used in years. I’m not quitting my job.”
“That’s fair.”
