Page 92 of Out of Bounds
“You’re pregnant,” he repeated with disbelief in his eyes. “And it’s not mine.” He paused, his eyes never leaving my stomach. “How did this happen? Are you planning on keeping it? Does he know?” he shot question after question at me.
Cocking my head to the side, I narrowed my eyes. “You know how it happened, Kreed. I don’t know what I’m going to do. And no, he doesn’t know. I wanted you to know first.”
“The fuck, Masai.” The elevation of his voice told me how frustrated he was. “What the fuck am I supposed to even say to that? I don’t even know what the fuck to think.”
“We were done, Kreed. I didn’t think we would work it out.”
“So, you go get pregnant?” He tossed his hands on his head. “Fuck!” he roared. “All right… all right. We gone get through this.”
“You sure?”
“Shit, Masai. We ain’t got a fucking choice. Listen…” He huffed. “Let’s just drop it for right now, and we can talk about it when I’m more levelheaded.”
“Okay.”
Kreed glanced down at my stomach one last time before shaking his head and walking out of the kitchen. As a woman who’d given birth to five kids, I knew the signs of pregnancy. The day before yesterday, I woke up feeling icky, and the first thing I thought about was being pregnant with a baby. I called Koya and had her meet me at the drug store. I was so anxious to know the results that I ended up taking the test in the bathroom, and sure enough, my ass was pregnant.
I hadn’t told Lamar because, like I told Kreed, I wanted him to know first. I also wasn’t sure what my final decision was goingto be regarding this baby. I didn’t believe in abortions, nor did I judge women for having them. It just wasn’t my thing. But having this baby meant more mess to overcome.
On top of that, Lamar is fifty-seven, and his youngest child is ten. That man didn’t need any more kids. Hell, neither did I, if we wanted to be honest. But here we were, and I had some choices to make.
“I’m guessing you told him,” Koya said as she eased back inside the kitchen.
“How you know?”
“He’s crying.” She laughed.
“It’s not funny.” I pouted.
“No, babe it is. Like, this is some next-levelLove & Hip Hopshit.”
“Girl…” I tittered. “That man probably thinks I did the shit on purpose.”
“You know he do.”
“Whole time my ass was just being fast. Damn! I can’t believe I’m really pregnant.”
“Shit, neither can I. Where do you guys go from here?”
“No clue. I guess time will tell.” I shrugged.
My husband cheated and had a baby with another woman, which caused us to get divorced. Now, we were working on our marriage as divorcees. My kids were happy; hell, I was even happy. It felt like things were finally starting to look up. I don’t know what kind of games God was playing up there, but Kreed and I had some decisions to make.
Mine was whether or not I was going to go forward with this pregnancy, and his was whether he was strong enough to stick around and raise another man’s baby in the event that I did. If my choosing to have this baby meant things were over for Kreed and I, then so be it. After all, his infidelity is what pushed me intothe arms of another man. Had he not cheated, we would be in marital bliss, and this baby would be his.
It’sfunny looking back on everything that had occurred. The times when I was sure we were done and I’d lost Masai weighed on me because I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life.Those moments were now a distant memory of mistakes, regrets, and pain. But life, love, and football all had a way of teaching me lessons that I don’t think I was ready for.
I willneverforget how I felt when she told me she was carrying the next niggas’ baby. The shit felt like the ground had been pulled from right under my ass. The selfish part of me wanted to say fuck her and move on with my life, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that after all of the shit I’d put her through.
With all of my mess and the choices I made, Masai chose me. She chose me even when I didn’t deserve it. And in return, I chose her, even with the fear, the questions, and the uncertainty of what our future looked like; I chose her. And if I had to do it all over again, I’dstillchoose her. That’s what unwavering love was—choosing each other over and over again, no matter the circumstances..
I was at the top of my game when it came to football, but nothing compared to having her back in my life. Football had always been my escape, my passion, hell, my everything, but my biggest win to date hadalwaysbeen my wife and my family.
The love I had for this woman and my family was greater than any victory I’d had on the field. It was a constant reminder of how lucky I was to be given a second chance. I’m not perfect by far—neither of us is—but I’m humbled enough to know that every action carries a heavy consequence, and mine is my wife carrying another man’s baby.
Masai’s revelation put shit into perspective for me. I really think it did it for everyone involved. We decided to sit down as a couple and break the news to Lamar. I needed him to know what the future looked like going forward. This might have been his baby, but Masai was all mine. This baby was going to be raised under my roof with the rest of our kids, and I was going to be responsible for his or her care. As long as he understood howthings would work over here, I didn’t have a problem letting him and Masai figure the rest out.
Therapy had been our saving grace. Having to sit in front of an unbiased party, talking through the hurt, shame, guilt, and defeat kept us close and sensible. There were days I left wondering if it was helping or causing more harm, but week after week, we showed up, and the raw honesty of it all slowly began to sink in.
