Page 62 of Out of Bounds
“You’re most welcome. Talk to you soon,” he added before ending the call.
Sucking in a deep breath, I blew it out through my nose. “I hope you got everything while you’re in here rushing me.”
“Yep!” Maddie Claire popped before twisting off.
“That child…” I drawled and shook my head.
Gathering the pile of bills, I shoved them into my purse and went to go rally the rest of the troops. I still had special privileges at the stadium and planned on using them. Therefore, we needed to get a move on it before the car service showed up.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Koya noted after taking a seat beside me.
“Girl…” I exhaled. “Just taking it all in.”
“Uncomfortable?”
“As hell. And I’m having a hard time figuring out why. Nothing has happened.”
“Maybe because this isn’t your life anymore,” she offered.
“But it is.” I pointed at my four girls who were currently up out of their seats, yelling at the field.
The game was in the third quarter, and the Demons were up by a field goal. The girls had been thoroughly enjoying themselves while I sat stoically in my seat, just looking around. This had been my life for so many years, and now it felt foreign to me. Out of habit, I cheered anytime Kreed scored a touchdown and anytime he gained yards. Although it felt awkward, not cheering would’ve been more awkward. Cheering him on, as I’d done so many times in the past, was the most natural thing.
“It’s still part of their lives, but you’ve been determined to remove it from yours,” she specified.
Stroking my tongue across my bottom lip, I nodded. “Right.”
“It’s normal to feel that way, Masai. I feel like you keep trying to rush yourself through your healing process, not realizing that you are essentially grieving a life that you’ve lived for almost twenty years.”
“Grief.” I snorted. “Grief is a muthafucka, I tell you that.”
“It is. But it’s also a process.” She grabbed my hand and gave it a quick squeeze.. “This isn’t my first time advising you to grieve as long as you need.”
“That’s the thing, though, Koya. Allowing myself to grieve means sitting in the shit—dwelling in it—I don’t have the time for that.”
“So then continue moving around like you’re not bothered. You’re never going to move on if you don’t give yourself the time and grace that you need. If coming to a football game has you in your feelings, then babe… you’re not done grieving.”
“You might be right, but I don’t want to hear that shit.”
“Touché, bitch.” She sniggled. “How’s Lamar?”
I blushed immediately. “He sent me flowers.”
“We love a good arrangement!” She quipped.
“That’s the same thing I told him.” I giggled. “We’re going to dinner tomorrow night.”
“Oooh! That’ll be nice.”
“It’s not our first time hanging out, ya know?”
She nodded. “Oh, I’m aware.”
“Right. So… I think I want to?—”
She leaned in. “You want towhat?”
“You know…”
