Page 56 of Out of Bounds
“I’m deathly afraid of putting my heart back on the line only to have it shattered again. I used to think having a ring meant I was complete. It meant that I’d reached the ultimate level in life. I’m realizing now that I don’t need a ring to feel complete anymore. If love comes again, it has to feel different this time around. But marriage… ssss. Yeah, that’s much harder to sell to me.”
“I can’t even be mad at that,” Koya stated. “I didn’t get married to end up alone, and as much as I adore my marriage and the process it took to get here, I can’t say I would be down to do it again if it ended.”
“Shit! I don’t think I want to do itever.” Jream shrugged.
“But I thought you and Jrue had discussed getting married before?” I pondered.
“Hediscussed it. I just listened.”
“Wait a minute…” I stared at her. “Your parents were married until the day your father passed. You come from a loving marriage, and you mean to tell me you don’t want to get married?”
“I don’t.” She shook her head. “My mother was codependent as hell. Yes, I came from a loving marriage, but much of what I witnessed was my father taking care of my mother because of her mental issues.
“I strongly believed that if it wasn’t for the fact that they had me, he would have left. He stayed because he felt obligated to stay. He loved her, no doubt, but that marriage caused him to drink himself to death. I’ve never wanted to be in a situation where I feel obligated to stay with anyone. Besides that, marriage just seems sopermanent.
“Divorces get messy too. I don’t have the capacity to be begging somebody to let me go. Yeah... it’s not for me.”
“What if he asks?” I questioned her.
“Then I’ll say no.”
“That’s not fair to him, though, Jream. You know his end game is marriage, and for you toknowyou don’t want to be married… it’s kind of giving him a false sense of hope.”
“I don’t believe that for one minute,” she responded, and I immediately called bullshit.
“Oh-kay, girl.” I tittered. “I’mma leave you with this. That man wants a family. Don’t think for one second that he’s going to settle for being your boyfriend for the rest of his life. Whatever you’re not willing to give, trust me… someone else will give it in a heartbeat. Don’t lose out on a good one because of how you perceived your parents’ marriage.”
“I’m with Masai on that one,” Koya added with a shrug.
I chuckled at the thought of Jream finding out that Jrue was leaving her for another woman. “She better listen…”
Jream rolled her eyes. “My relationship is solid. The last thing I’m worried about is my man leaving.”
The shit I had said went in one ear and out of the other. Jream still had a lot of growing up to do, and the things she’d said today proved it. I could’ve respected her reservations about wanting to get married if I thought they were valid. To me, her insecurities were controlling her behaviors without her being aware. Regardless, for the sake of Jrue, I hoped she at least shared her feelings with him before things got too far and they joined me in the broken-hearted club section of this crew.
Tossingmy head back on the headrest, I groaned. Man. If I could go back and do some shit over, I would’ve pushed for Ashton to have a fucking abortion. Masai made this co-parenting shit easy, and maybe that was because we had history. It could’ve been that she knew how much my kids meant to me. Ashton, on the other hand, had been keeping me from KJ since she saw pictures online from Aurora’s birthday party. She was pissed off that I hadn’t included KJ. I understood a little of what she was saying, but she had to realize that I couldn’t and wouldn’t force KJ in Masai’s face.
That day wasn’t about me or her; it was for Aurora. I wasn’t about to do shit to put Masai in her feelings and ruin my baby’s day. Ashton’s ass acted like my kids hadn’t been in the same room together before. Anytime I spent time with them, I made it my mission to have him around. I fucked up the first few months of his life and kept him a secret, but now that it was out, I wanted him to grow up knowing his siblings.
It had been a month since I’d seen him, and since it was my weekend with the kids, I begged her to let me get him. Last night, she finally agreed, so we were supposed to meet up to do theexchange. The bitch played in my face and hadn’t answered any of my calls today. I was trying to keep shit amicable, but I was so close to taking her ass to court. She thought I hadn’t peeped her game, but I was the furthest thing from a fucking fool. She was in her feelings, and instead of acting like an adult, she was using my son as a pawn. And that was some shit that I wasn’t about to tolerate.
Soft taps to the window had me rolling the window of my truck down. “Hey, baby.” I smiled at the sight of Charleigh Anne standing near the truck.
“Hey, Daddy.” She beamed. “Mommy said you can come inside.”
“I can come inside…” I repeated and watched her nod her head. Imagine that. Me being given permission to enter a house that I paid the mortgage on. “Yeah, aight.” I snorted. I hit the locks and stepped out. “Y’all bags not ready or something?”
“She’s combing Sophie’s hair and still has to do Aurora’s.”
“Oh, aight.”
When we made it to the front door, Charleigh Anne pushed it open and ran inside, leaving me standing in the foyer. I laughed a little when I noticed that our family pictures no longer lined the walls. Masai’s ass must’ve been trying to wipe my ass from the memories because for as long as I remembered, this wall held years of memories that we’d made as a family. Finally entering the living room, I hugged the rest of my kids before they slipped off and headed back upstairs.
Taking a seat across from Masai, I watched her braid Sophie’s hair for a few minutes before saying something. “I see you’ve made some adjustments to the crib, Sai.”
She furrowed her brows. “Adjustments?”
“Yeah… The pics.” I pointed toward the hall.
