Page 37 of Out of Bounds
“Aight, so listen…” I said and sat across from them. “Daddy knows he messed up. I beat myself up ’bout it every single day. It was never Daddy’s intention to hurt you, girl’s… or Mommy. I messed up bad,” I reiterated. “Because Daddy messed up, I had to move out. Us not being under the same roof doesn’t mean I don’t want to be there because I do. And me having another baby doesn’t mean that I love either of you any less. It just means that Daddy has to love on you guys a little more since I won’t get to see you every day.
“I wanted y’all to meet your baby brother because, believe it or not, he’s an only child and, as messed up as the situation is, he deserves to receive the same love Daddy gives y’all.”
“Will Mommy be his mommy?” Sophie asked.
The gasp that seeped out of Masai’s mouth proved that she wasn’t prepared to hear that question. Instead of letting me answer, she spoke up, “No, baby. I won’t. Kreed Jr. has his own mommy just like you guys do.”
“Why he gotta have our daddy then?”
“Sophie…” I sighed. “He shares a daddy with you guys, and that’s it. He has his own mom. I wished you?—”
Masai must’ve known what I was getting ready to say because she called my name. “Kreed, don’t do that.”
“You right, my bad.” Rubbing the back of my neck, I thought about how I wanted to say this. “Sophie… it’s just one of those things that I can’t explain until you get older.”
“Okay.” She dropped her head in defeat.
“Like I was saying, me being his daddy doesn’t change anything for any of you. I’m still one call away. If you need me, I will come running. It’s as simple as that.”
“Is that okay with you two?” Sai asked Maddie Claire and Charleigh Anne. Maddie Claire shrugged her shoulders while Charleigh Anne simply nodded.
Masai had gotten them to calm down, which made me extremely happy because all of that crying was making my ass feel like shit. I still felt like shit, but their stoic faces were better than the crying, disfigured ones. The next few questions they asked were directed at their mom. While she continued trying to reassure them, I used that opportunity to slip out of the room to check on the boys.
I’d gotten both of them down for a nap and left them in my room while I chatted with the girls. When I stepped into the room, Kreed was squirming, so I went ahead and grabbed him up so that I could change his diaper.
I figured Masai would want to see Kree before she left, so once I’d finished getting Kreed Jr. together, I grabbed a sleepy Kree up and balanced both of them in my arms until I made it back into the living room. I walked over to Masai and held Kree out for her.
Her eyes landed on the baby, and she sat there unmoved, just looking at him until I called out, “Grab him, Sai.”
“Oh… My bad.” She grabbed Kree out of my arms and held him to her chest. I could feel her eyes on me as I walked Kreed Jr. over to the playpen I had fixed for him in the corner. Once I laid him down, I turned back toward the rest of my family.
Masai’s eyes were still fixated on the playpen. I know having to see him up close probably had her feeling a way, and although I wanted her here, I knew it would be best if she left. “Sai, if you think they’re okay now, I won’t hold you up.”
“Huh?” she asked and trailed her eyes up to me. I couldn’t miss the tears lining her lower eyelids if I wanted to. “What’d you say?”
“I was saying… if you think we’re good, then you don’t have to stick around. I know this may be uncomfortable, and I’m sorry you had to see it.”
“Oh!” She cleared her throat and stood. “Yeah, I… uh… I should leave.”
Rising from my seated position, I waited for her to tell the kids bye and that she would see them when I brought them back before trailing her to the front door. Before she slipped out, I felt compelled to apologize once again.
“They were asking for you, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t mean for this to happen, Masai.”
“Right.” She nodded and placed her hand in the center of my chest. “Sign the papers, Kreed. Please… I beg of you. Please release me from this hell that I’m living in. I don’t want to be on this ride any longer.”
Masai didn’t let me say shit. She patted my chest before slipping out of the door. I stood there for a few seconds and watched her. When she backed out of my driveway, we caught each other’s eyes. The sympathetic smile she gave me confirmed that there wasn’t a need for me to try anymore. My wife had accepted that this was the end. Now, it was my turn.
Damn.
Usingthe quick moment at the red light, I pulled my visor down to check my makeup. I’d gotten dressed in haste and wanted to make sure I didn’t need to add any finishing touches before my dinner.
After weeks of assisting other lawyers with their cases, I finally felt confident enough to take on a few of my own. When I first went to law school, my plan was to be a criminal defense attorney. It wasn’t until after I’d gotten into my studies that I realized personal injury was where the money was. I’d settled a few lucrative cases back in the day before walking away from my career. Now that I was back into the swing of things, I could see myself continuing the plans I’d made all those years back of opening my own firm.
I was more than certain it would be successful because I was really good at my job. All of the fears I had quickly subsided after I helped a junior partner settle a case. Everyone in the office kept telling me how much of a natural I was and couldn’t believe that it had been years since I’d practiced. All of the compliments was the exact shit I needed to hear. I needed to stop sleeping on myself and my potential. I think over the years, I’d settledand become complacent with my life. Don’t get me wrong, my children would forever be my greatest accomplishment, but that doesn’t negate that being a mother and a wife caused me to lose parts of myself.
Now that I was back working, I’d been able to sustain some type of independence. My days were no longer filled with organizing things for Kreed or running the kids from here to there. I can successfully say that I’d taken a step back, reevaluated my life, and accepted the fact that it was okay to have help.
My mom helped with the kids while I worked. On days when she had other obligations, I had a nanny who stepped in. When the kids had to go with their father, if I wasn’t available for drop off, my mom more than likely did it. Kreed’s relationship took a hit with the kids for a while, but the more he consistently showed up for them, the easier it was for them to forgive him. If only it had been that easy for me. The NFL season had also started, and Aunties Jream and Koya had been instrumental in seeing that the kids made it to see their father play.
