Page 12 of Out of Bounds
“Why was I not enough, Kreed? What did she have that I didn’t?” Resting my head on the steering wheel, I wailed. My chest was hurting so badly. It felt like somebody had reached into it and was strangling my heart. I started to feel as if my lungs were on fire. Clutching my chest, I coughed, trying hard to catch my breath.
Rising to his feet, Kreed reached into the truck and pulled me out of the seat. When I was standing in front of him, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. When he spoke, his voice was softer and almost more hesitant—shaky even. “Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out that way.”
“Didn’t want me to find out that way?” I repeated. “How could you do this to me? To us?” I shouted.
“Baby, I know… I fucked up.”
“Kreed, you really had a child with someone other than me. I thought we were happy. I thought we were unbreakable.”
“Baby, we are…”
“No!” I shook my head in protest. Removing myself from his grasp, I looked up at him. “You gave her something that was reserved for onlyme. I willneverforgive you for ruining our family.” Rushing away from him, I ran toward the front door. When I pushed it open, my kids were lying around the living room.
Maddie Claire immediately looked up at me. “Mom, why are you crying?”
My chest rose with a sharp breath, and without uttering a word, I turned on my heels and rushed out of the room. Over my shoulder, I could hear Kreed telling the kids that I wasn’t feeling well and needed to rest. The lie just rolled off his lips, almost like it was rehearsed. Apparently, he had a habit of doing that: lying.
When I made it to our bedroom, I kicked off my shoes and sat down in the chair facing the window. I was there physically, but my mind and heart were elsewhere. I’d sat in that position for so long that night had fallen before I eventually made my way out of the chair and slipped into bed. Somewhere during the night, I finally drifted off to sleep, and when I woke up, the sun rays were beaming through the blinds.
Kreed had done a good job keeping the kids away because I wasn’t awoken by anyone asking me to cook breakfast. In fact, it was quiet; almost a little too quiet for what I’d just learned. No screaming or broken glass shards lying around. No dramatic exit or argumentative conversation. Nothing. Just the sound of my shallow breathing was present in the house. The world was still turning, even though mine had stopped, but the house felt as if it’d stopped with me.
Kreed was gone. I don’t know if he’d left for practice or if he was hiding from me. Life was really serving my ass one big knock-knock joke. I used to say all the time how much I loved the way football kept him grounded when everything else felt chaotic. Now, it just felt like a convenient excuse. It was something he could use when he was out doing God knows what.
He’d tried to come in and talk to me last night, but I remained mute. Not because I didn’t have anything to say, but mainly because I refused to put on a show in front of my kids. Somehow or another, his side bitch had gotten my number and took her time trying toproveto me that her feelings weren’t one-sided.
Swiping my phone up from the counter, I stared down at the messages full of screenshots of her “receipts.” The end of my fucking life is what they were.
Although the proof was right here, I didn’t need it. His lack of attempting to deny it was telling. I also don’t think I could ever get that guilt-ridden look of his out of my mind. The way he just stood there, saying nothing, with his jaws clenched and eyes sympathetic, said everything. I think that’s what hurt the most. Not the cheating, but the nothing. No explanation why, even though I was certain there was nothing Kreed could say to fix this.
However, I would’ve taken anything in that moment because I was so desperate for some clarity. I wanted, no, needed, something that would’ve put my mind at ease. Something that would’ve given me the strength to fight for whatever this situation was. We had built a life together, one that I could’ve sworn was solid.
Now, all I could think about was the nights I waited for him to make it home after being on the road. Internally, I was beating myself up because I stayed home with the kids and watched the game on television instead of traveling to them.
My loyalty was unwavering. I was the one holding him down, raising our kids, as he chased his dream. I was the one who made our house feel like a home. And for what? For him to throw it all away for some new pussy. Destroying our union for someone who didn’t even know how he liked his eggs cooked in the morning or how he liked to fuck hard after a devastating loss. This wasn’t just heartbreak; this was a blindside hit from the man who was supposed to love me. A fucking helmet to the chest with no warning and no fucking mercy is what this was.
And the fucked-up part about it was that I still loved my husband. But now, I was unsure if that love was enough to keep me from divorcing his ass.
Listeningto Masai cry herself to sleep last night fucked me up, especially with me knowing that I was the cause of her pain and suffering. I never meant for her to find out about Kreed Jr. like this. Shit, to be completely honest, I thought I had more time. I don’t know what story Ashton had sold Masai, but whatever it was, I can guarantee it was the furthest thing from the truth.
I fucked up. I’d danced with the devil one too many times, knowing what I was risking. I never meant for shit to get this far, nor did I expect the proof of my infidelity to come out this way. When I found out about little Kreed, I knew Masai was going to file for a divorce and take my kids. That’s the reason I’d kept the shit quiet.
My kids were worried about their mom so much that I’d packed them a bag and sent them to my mother-in-law’s house. Maddie Claire wasn’t buying the story of her mom being sick. The entire ride to her grandmother’s house, she kept asking me what I did. I couldn’t look at my baby and tell a lie, so I kept my mouth closed.
When I made it back from dropping the kids off, I perched myself outside my bedroom door and waited for Masai to emerge. I wanted to barge into the room to plead my case, but I knew she needed time. I was scared that time would have her doing the one thing I feared the most. If Masai left me, I don’t know how I would survive. My wife was my lifeline, my best friend, and the one person I had in my life who I knew for certain loved me more than she loved herself. And I hurt her—fucked up the sanctity of our marriage.
When I heard what sounded like shuffling in the room, I hopped up. Knocking on the door softly, I pushed it open. Sai was sitting in the middle of our bed, still in the clothes that she had on yesterday. Her eyes were damn near swollen shut, and her face was puffy from all the crying she’d been doing.
Shoving my hands in the pockets of my sweats, I leaned against the door frame and mewled. “Baby...”
Masai glanced up at me and swiped her hand across her nose. “She sent me screenshots.” Her eyes flicked back to the screen. “You love her?”
“No.”
“That’s not what this message says.” Tapping on the screen, she read off. “I love you, Kreed. I want us to be a family.Shelovesyou. Like, deeply loves you.”
“I don’t love her, Masai.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t insult me, Kreed. Just tell me the truth.”
