Page 141 of Cruelest Contract
The pain in her voice is unmistakable. I’m going to crumble where I stand. No certainty has ever been more agonizing than the one that I absolutely do not fucking deserve my own wife.
At least there is no need for me to worry about becoming a ruthless monster. I’m already one, cultivated since birth. I murder men for a variety of reasons that would horrify normal people. I’m never sorry.
Cecilia is right. My motivations for marrying her were far from noble. I had the power to excuse Gabriel’s offense and forbid retribution. But I saw Cecilia and I wanted her. I schemed to make it happen.
Now she’s mine and for most of our marriage I’ve left her here alone. An endangered princess locked in a heavily guarded tower while our babies grow in her belly.
She doesn’t need to show tears in order for me to see that I’ve hurt her, however unintentionally. I know how much she hates to cry.
We’re alike in so many ways. Cecilia uses her endless lists to keep order. She regulates her emotions with caution.
My tactics for sorting out my world are different. I’m expected to maintain control and I do. I didn’t choose this assignment. I was born to the role. Tragedy cemented it.
This isn’t the kind of life I want us to have together. Distant. Sensible.Polite.
We share plenty of passion but passion isn’t just sex.
Passion is offering the rawest, most vulnerable version of yourself and giving it willingly.
It’s handing over your heart and trusting she will guard its fragile condition just as you guard hers.
And I’ve failed at this. I’ve failed her.Fuck.How I’ve failed.
Cecilia turns from the window. Her eyes are clear, her grief stifled, her strength on display. I’ll likely collapse into a weeping puddle before she does.
“You told me how it would be from the beginning,” she says. “I understand everything now, Julian. There’s no need to discuss it anymore.”
NO! She doesn’t understand at all.
But before I can relax the anguish squeezing my lungs and cobble together the right words, my father appears in the doorway.
He hesitates when he senses the tension and his brow furrows. “Cecilia,” he says, “your brothers are almost here. Sonny says to expect them to drive through the gates in about fifteen minutes.”
“Thank you,” she replies, completely calm. She pulls the edges of the sweater over her belly and my father makes way as she walks out of the room. Her cat trails after her.
When she’s gone, my father lingers and studies me with curiosity.
If my face looks half as tormented as I feel then I’m sure to be quite the fucking sight.
However, I don’t say a word. I keep my thoughts to myself and follow my wife so we can await the arrival of the Grimaldi brothers.
32
CECILIA
Flipping to the next clean page, I immediately write ‘CHRISTMAS EVE’ at the top.
Take inventory of the nursery
Check the reheating instructions Enzo left for dinner
