Page 132 of Cruelest Contract
Fort snorts with laughter and I leave them all on the front porch to work out their differences. There’s little point in ordering Tye to behave. He won’t. But Alice can handle herself.
I haven’t made it past the foyer when Mel calls my name from down the hall. She bustles into view with a smile on her face. “You have a surprise sitting in your office.”
My heart leaps. Sometimes Julian returns with no notice. There is suddenly nothing I want more than to feel my husband’s strong arms around me. A burst of energy sends me speed walking all the way to my office.
The door is unlocked and I throw it open, already convinced that I’ll find Julian waiting.
Instead, the room is empty and the only change is the addition of a massive pink flower arrangement sitting on top of my desk.
A brief cloud of hope sinks like a leaden weight. I trudge over to the desk and pluck out the white envelope with my name on it.
Thinking of you. Regards, Julian.
Well, he did send flowers. That was nice. Even if the message is like something you’d write to a hospitalized coworker.
Before I realize what I’m doing, the card gets savagely crumpled in my hand. I throw it on the floor. I even kick it away.
“You hate flowers now?” says a voice at my back. “I can’t keep track.”
I whirl around and find Getty casually taking up all the space in the open doorway and watching me vandalize Julian’s note.
Maybe pregnancy hormones stimulate honesty. I don’t know how else to explain what comes out of my mouth next.
“I don’t want more fucking flowers!” I blurt out, way too loudly. “I just want my husband to show up!”
Getty stares at me. My cheeks burn with embarrassment.
“Forget I said that,” I grumble, wishing with all my might that I could retract the outburst.
“Said what?” he asks with a shrug and promptly disappears.
My legs feel sluggish as I plod over to the sofa and sink into the soft cushions. Louisa tiptoes into the room and immediately jumps up to join me. She can’t fit in my lap anymore so she settles for snuggling close to my side while I absently stroke her soft fur. I don’t even have the energy to get up and close the door.
Louisa’s whiskers twitch when a hot tear rolls down my cheek.
Quickly, I wipe it away before any more can fall.
29
JULIAN
The whiskey shot sits untouched on the bar. My thumb hovers an inch above my phone screen and remains there. I just wanted to see her face and now I’m frozen, powerless to look away.
The photo was snapped on our honeymoon. Cecilia was nestled in a corner of the butterscotch suede sofa in the cabin the morning after our wedding. I had breakfast waiting for her when she woke up after a wild night consummating our marriage over and over. We shared a lazy breakfast, then we fucked again. And again. Finally, we showered together. I refused to let her help clean up the kitchen from breakfast so she curled up on the sofa with her journal. Her damp hair hung loose over her shoulders and my favorite flannel shirt was enjoying its finest hour on her soft body. The look on her face was dreamy and blissful and I silently reached for my phone to immortalize the moment before she noticed.
Cecilia had no idea that I took that picture. She’d never guess I’m sitting here alone in a Las Vegas bar and tracing her face with my eyes while a heavy inner ache refuses to dissolve.
I fucking MISS her.
Being away from my wife is always slow torture. Whenever I come home, she’s a little bit different. I’m awed by the changes in her pregnant body. I’m pained when I don’t see the everyday joy of watching her evolve. Impending motherhood amplifies every aspect of her beauty. Sometimes when she’s sleeping beside me I feel the impulse to kiss her awake and beg for forgiveness, even while I’m unsure what I’m asking to be forgiven for.
The prickle of disquiet is nothing new. It first hit me on our wedding day. I haven’t lied to Cecilia. I haven’t betrayed her. Our marriage is exactly what I promised it would be. And yet I cannot escape a secret certainty that I’ve badly wronged her.
With supreme reluctance, I scroll away from her photo and switch over to Sonny’s daily security report. Cecilia’s friend Alice is still visiting but otherwise nothing stands out. The surveillance system has been updated and expanded to include more remote parts of the ranch. Cecilia seems content to stay close to home most days and always has armed protection.
She no longer asks questions about the side of my life away from the ranch. Now and then I catch her watching me with a puzzled frown. If she’s worried, she shouldn’t be. Every single recent trip I’ve taken has been a strategic means of solidifying our alliances to ensure our family will not be vulnerable in any way.
As it stands now, challenging us means annihilation. The excruciating lessons of the past only make us stronger. I won’t relax until we are indestructible.
